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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Two shall become One ~ Is it really beneficial to stay married?



Here's a couple of links relating to the benefits of staying married.

Link: Reasons to Stay Married
Titles include:
*Family Structure and Expulsion or Suspension from School (you must see the chart)
*Seperation from Mom, Dad Linked with Learning Trouble
*Children of Divorce Twice as Likely to be Put on Ritalin
*...and many more.

Link: Sharon Hughes
"Yes, marriage protects children. And yes, marriage therefore protects taxpayers and society from a broad and deep set of costs, personal and communal. But there is another case for marriage, equally significant, that you probably haven't heard. Marriage is a powerful creator and sustainer of human and social capital for adults as well as children, about as important as education when it comes to promoting the health, wealth, and well-being of adults and communities. For most Americans, this is news."

There is lots of valuable info on her site.


I was 33 years old when my parents divorced and it was difficult, I can't imagine what it is like for younger children. Even as an adult, so much of what I counted on in life to be stable, fell apart. We faced changes and challenges and it would be years before we established a "new normal." My kids really struggled as the holidays and birthdays came around. Suddenly, people that they loved, didn't like each other any more. It's not supposed to be like that.

I hear people say that you shouldn't stay together for the kids...really why not?
They need you to. They need you to try with all your might to make your marriage work. In an atmosphere of disdain for Godly marriage, our homes need to be like lighthouses that show people around us- it CAN work, it's not always easy, but it's worth it. The benefits we will reap are worth it!

I feel like I am very specifically speaking to some people (and I don't know who you are) that need someone to it out! Do everything in your power to make your marriage not only survive, but be strong. And yes, I do believe that the kids are good enough reason, and maybe even for the GRANDKIDS.
But hopefully later, you will come to realize that you will benefit too.

If that is you and you don't know where to start, go to this website, read it and then order their book, Love and Respect.

If you are reading this and someone popped into your mind, click on the little envelope at the bottom and email it to them.

I'm praying for our marriages,


Praise and Coffee said...

I just ran across a great blog by Love and Respect also:

Angela Baylis said...

AMEN...!!! I SO want some family members to see this! I'll pray for them now. Thank you so much for this post today. And yes...that book is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! My husband and I did the study with the DVD'S and they were great!
Much love,
Angie xoxo

Anonymous said...

It's funny that you post this today (ok, not really...I am sure it was a total "God thing") - but, I am working on a post that fits perfectly with yours....

The post is about how often times God gives us a quick word of encouragement - kind of an "aha moment" - but, it often takes more than just a moment for that word to begin to manifest itself in our lives. It requires work.

For example, when my hubby and I were separated...God really began to reveal some things to me - clear as day. My first thought was now that my "issues" had been revealed to me - that was the end of it. Identify it, end it. Ha! Boy, was I wrong. That quick (and revealing word from God) - did not come with a quick fix. It required working through my "stuff"....which is the greatest thing I have ever done!

Blessings to you, Sue! I pray you have a great week!

Christy said...

Our community group did this study a few months ago. I HIGHlY recommend it whether your marriage is struggling or not. It is a book that will change you and your marriage if you are willing to do the work.

Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement!

Linda said...

Great post! My parents separted when I was 40 and it turned our family upside down. Thankfully they were able to work it out but it was a really difficult time for all of us. Thanks for these Tuesday posts they really are great.

Brittney said...

Excellent post! I really appreciate you sharing this. Now that I'm married I have grown to realize how it truly does take selfless efforts to make a marriage beautiful and strong. I love being married and pray to God that the love I have for my husband only continues to grow in the years ahead. We face many challenges as a military couple, but God has given us such a deep, burning love that I know by His grace and our determination our marriage can remain strong. Thanks for sharing this encouragement.

Anonymous said...

Mind if I add something? I heard it once and I don't remember where. If one has that much animosity against their spouse, they ought to find one thing, positive about their spouse and begin to thank God for that one thing. Keep thanking God for that one thing and watch how it will grow from there. Thankfully, I haven't gotten to that point where I've ever had to do that but it sure is helpful advice if you meet up with someone that has it. At least that's what one person who did it said. They are head over heals in love with each other again. :)

Praise and Coffee said...

Of course not, I love it when you all add something!

Patricia said...

Sue, I saw your update on facebook and ran to reheat a cup of coffee (my second cup today, btw) so I was ready to read your blog.

Several years ago I heard a Christian speaker on the radio (maybe Dr. James Dobson) discussing the effects of divorce on children. The speaker said that there are very few true cases of clinical Attention Deficit Disorder and that those are linked to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He said the real definition of ADD in most cases is "Adults Doing Divorce."

He said the emotional upheaval it causes in children is devastating.

My dear one came from a broken home and let me know that if I accepted his proposal, it was a lifetime commitment. He would never agree to a divorce... He was in 2nd grade when his parents split and in 4th when the divorce was final. He endured much emotional pain and those torments resulted in physical pain as he had stomach trouble fairly regularly until we married (almost 27 years ago!!).

I never wanted to subject my children to such pain...even when I was selfish and rebellious (married at 18, I had a lot of growing up to do). His experience was enough to convince me to put the kids first. I'm so glad I did.

Karen said...

Yet another great and oh-so relevant post in our disposable society...throw away everything...including marriages.
And such emotional upheaval and scarring for everyone involved when this happens...
Thanks Sue!

PS I have "tagged" you...not sure if you want to play along...but stop by my blog if you do...

Unknown said...

YES! What an awesome blog you have. I couldn't resist the title when I saw it on TopBlogArea, and when I got to your site, I couldn't resist your blog! Great work for the family.

Partner in Christ,
Cyndi Warren

A Stone Gatherer said...

Marriage is hard, but awesome! I so wish that people could trust God more with their marriage! God knew what he was doing when he created being joined together!

Tamatha said...

Thanks for the link to the love and respect site. It is all stuff I have heard already but have a hard time putting into practise. I am hoping that I will be able to go to one of the upcoming conferences with my husband.

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