How Can We Help Our Kids Do Well in School

This is good news for REAL moms!

Tutors are great but studies show that the best students are not ones with tutors but instead a strong family support makes a child a better learner.

It turns out that the family environment is crucial in forming good habits early on in a child's life. Who'da thought?!

Here are a few ways we can help our kids do well in school:

1. Give them a place to study and do homework. Try to keep the noise to a dull roar distractions to a minimum and as much as possible have it be a consistent time each day.

That being said...this REAL mom has practiced spelling words in the car on many occasions.

2. We've talked about this a few times but it bares repeating...communicate with your kids, ask them how things are going in their classes. Which classes do they struggle in, which class is their favorite and why.

3. Communicate with teachers, find out if homework is getting turned in and how they feel your child is doing in class. And as your child see you doing this, the accountability may be good incentive to work harder.

4. Help your kids learn HOW to study. This will really help them as they get older. If you've ever been super tired like me at the end of a day (like I was in this post) and then you realize that they didn't do their homework and you are tempted to just give them the answers, because I have not that I've done that... but we really shouldn't. A better (more patient and rested) parent will teach them how to find the answers. :)

5. And the most important (well not really but it seems that the last one should always be the most important) remain supportive even when they struggle.

Homework is not ever always a fun time of the day, but investing in our kids is worth it!
Real moms like you and I can make a huge difference, in fact the MOST difference in our kids education.
I'd love to hear any tips you have!
Sue

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

When Moms Should Say Yes

Hello Moms! 

 I’ve talked before about encouraging moms to say NO to the things that keep us too busy and away from the family but today I want to encourage moms to say yes. Turns out that our kids respond better in what is considered a positive atmosphere. Who knew?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about giving in to every whim at the grocery store or all the treats their little heart’s desire because our kids can ask us what seems like a million questions in a day. I’m referring to those times when a “yes” is possible, just not always convenient for us.

It can be so easy to fall into a groove of continually saying NO. We’re busy we’re running around and it’s hard to say yes when we’re on a mission, it’s inconvenient, but…we could probably say yes a little more than we do.

I have the habit of saying no to messy things…play dough, Legos, painting or friends over after school…..sleepovers…you know, the things that get in the way of MY day. It’s also a challenge for me to say yes to stopping what I’m doing to play a board game or the Wii.

And then I read things like this from Mr. Fred Rogers:

In the book The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember, Fred Rogers wrote that, "I hope you're proud of yourself for the times you've said yes, when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly only helpful to someone else."

Ok, so REAL moms…every time we consider saying “no,” let’s stop and ask ourselves a simple question: Can I give my child a “yes” instead?

Matt 10:16

And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Creative Way to Apologize

Hello! Happy Friday!

After yesterday's post, I thought something a little more light hearted would be good. But let me just say, wow. Not only was that the most traffic my little blog has ever seen, but I was overwhelmed with email and messages after that post, many of which brought me to tears. I said a prayer for each of you, and I plan to write more about abuse in the future.

Late yesterday afternoon I jumped in the shower to get ready for these sweet ladies who were coming over.

They are planning to start their own Praise and Coffee Nights here in West Michigan. We had so much fun!

But as I stepped out of the shower, this letter was slid under the bathroom door, along with a marker that clearly took some time to jam under the door.

It said:
Dear Mom and Dad I em sry I was men to you do you frg m yess or no srk wun

Translation:
Dear Mom and Dad, I am sorry I was mean to you, do you forgive me? yes or no, circle one

She waited impatiently outside the door with constant requests that I "circle one."

I opened the door and asked what she was talking about. When was she mean to us?
Evidently she felt that she was mean to us the night before when she had a bad attitude. I had forgotten all about it, hello-just another day with a 7 yr old.

It's so funny sometime what their little hearts hold on to.

Of course I wrapped my arms around her and gave her lots of love but that wasn't enough, I had to "circle one." And she wanted me to go back in the bathroom and slide it back under to the door to her.

I obliged.

So, next time you blow it and need to apologize to someone I suggest you write a little note, feel free to use Lauren's words, and slide it under the door when they are showering. It is hard to stay mad at someone who spends 10 minutes jamming a marker under the door.

The Effects of Abuse

If you have been abused, I’m so sorry. I wish I could wrap my arms around you. I would whisper in your ear …“the abuse does NOT define you…you have worth…you are precious to God…He loves you.”


I’ve been there.

I was molested as a child.

No, I don’t talk about it much. Only when I feel a prodding sense that someone might need to hear it.

A “friend” of the family took a child whose self-esteem was already dangling by a thread and violently tore it away.

Abusers don’t consider the pain they cause. They are selfish.

They don’t care that they leave a crumpled little girl struggling to understand. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Where are my protectors?

Can you relate? Maybe your abuse came in a different form. Maybe it was actual bruises that peppered your fragile frame, or maybe the bruises hid quietly behind a shy smile that you painted on when someone started to see the angst in your eyes.

My scars were not visible but I saw them every day. Like a scab that I unconsciously picked at until it bled and I could no longer deny its reality.

Chosen last for the kick ball game at recess. The boys teased me about my crooked teeth. The teacher overlooked me despite furiously waving my hand when I knew the answer.

They all seem like innocent actions, but I knew. I knew it was because I was not important. I belong in the background. I was used. I was only beneficial to appease a demented man’s needs.

It wasn’t until many years later that I learned how distorted my thinking had become.

My heart is heavy for those who through abuse or neglect now turn to horrible self-destructive behaviors such as cutting, substance abuse, bulimia etc. Please if that is you, seek Christian counsel. Sit down with someone who will pray with you and help bring healing, comfort and hope to you.

God knows you and loves you and I am praying for any victims who read this. You were made for a purpose, to KNOW your creator as Father, friend and Savior. You were not made for the abuse you’ve suffered. It does not define you. You are beautiful, you have worth, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear from you.

The Nightmares

Lauren's been struggling with fear. Fear of bad guys. It overwhelms her at bedtime. She's afraid that they will come in during the night and take her from us. It plagues her nightly. She begs me to lock all the doors and windows and questions me repeatedly if I've followed through.

It breaks my heart. What brings this on? We've never given her reason to worry. Our house is in a quiet safe neighborhood in the country. Her Daddy is a proficient marksman, her 250lb 6'1" brother lives here, we have a security system and this.

Sure, she looks harmless NOW, and she is recovering from being hit by a car but I guarantee you, she would get all kinds of ugly on someone that tried to get in this house uninvited.

But how could she feel unsafe in this house? Why doesn't she trust us to protect her?

Night after night she simmers and stirs on the irrational notion that someone could burst into our home and snatch her from her warm bed. I sink exhausted into my chair when she falls to sleep but it's a temporary pause until she wakes shouting at strangers that she imagines in her time between sleep and wake.

She mumbles and cries, thrashing in bed, "Momma!! Mommy! No no no!" and my heart aches as I try to quiet the anxiety pouring out of her cleft scarred lips. She's not fully conscious and eventually she quiets and falls back to sleep. Often I'm summoned back during the night to lie next to her after the bad guys come back in her dreams.

As I wrestle with how to convince her that she's safe, I think of how God must feel that same way about me. He's given me no reason not to trust Him, no clue that He would abandon me. In fact I've learned that even when it looks like He's walked away and left me with my fears, I find that He was there all the time. He was just quiet for he moment, watching to see who I'd run to. Like mine, His arms ache to comfort His children.

Just like I long for Lauren to rest in the security of her home, I know the Lord wants the same for us.

Psalms 46


1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Whew, I didn't break out in hives.

I can hardly believe the LIVE webinar went off without a hitch. I didn't break out in hives, the dogs didn't attack the UPS man and Mitt Romney didn't call, not even once.

The webinar went a bit longer than I had hoped for and of course I have a million more things I wish I would have said, and why did I make that funny face so often and good gravy what was going on with my hair?

But here you go, if you've been thinking about starting Praise and Coffee Nights this video shares the heart of them with you.

The ladies that attended were truly a delight. I wish they had all been here in my kitchen. I would have baked them something fattening and yummy.

Here are the links for the Ebook:

And webinar:

This is a fresh approach to women's ministry. Sharing conversations that matter as REAL women with real hurts, joys and trials.

• No agendas, just relationships.
• Gathering 3-12 women together, facilitating conversation and allowing God to intervene.
• Based on Matthew 18:20, when 2 or 3 gather in His name, He comes.
• Meeting outside the four walls of the church with women from all backgrounds, churches (or no church) and walks of life.
• Sharing life.

And this is me. Watch the webinar, you'll understand.

Thank you Denise for all the behind the scenes stuff that you did while sitting in my dining room all alone, I really should have baked you something. I love you to pieces.


Have a great weekend!!!!
Sue

PS: I almost forgot...if you would like to join in with women all over the nation world starting Praise and Coffee Nights on March 15th, click here:
https://www.facebook.com/susankcramer#!/events/290042004382067/

Tips for Busy Moms!

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Another in the Real Moms of West Michigan series heard Tuesday mornings on STAR 105.7...
Real Moms are Busy!

I kept telling myself that things would slow down after the holidays but that hasn’t proved to be true and I have a feeling many of you moms feel the same way!
So I have a couple ideas to help us slow down- at least a little.

1. If you are anything like me you have excellent intentions to delegate jobs to the kids but don’t actually make a plan. It’s time- make a plan so the kids know that at meal time…Josh has to help cut up veggies, Sam has to set the table while another will be helping clean up. If these things are delegated ahead of time, it’s much easier because the kids already know and plan on it.

Unnecessary commentary: Obviously the more children you have, the lighter the load for you...so go ahead and have a few more.

2. Don’t worry about what all the other moms are doing. Everyone taking their turn is important but you don’t have to run the committee and organize the whole event if you don’t want to. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to what all the other moms are doing but I’ve found that that’s not a good reason to be busy with things.

More unnecessary commentary: Plus that mom that is doing EVERYTHING at your child's school is probably compensating for something lacking in her life and since you don't carry those insecurities you don't need to have your hand up for every single thing.

Don’t worry about what the other moms are doing…which leads us to the last thing I have:

3. Say no to the things that are not necessary or beneficial to your family. Set those boundaries around your family. Teach the kids by example to make good choices with your time and say no to some of the extra time consuming things.

Like Facebook and Twitter, you should stay far away from those things.

I hope things slow down enough for you to take some much needed time and catch up on my blog though! Much love to ya busy moms!!!!
Sue

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7
And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

My One Word for 2012

Everyone’s talking about One Word 365, even our magazine!


Here’s a portion of the article:

Choose just one word.

One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live or what you want to achieve by the end of 2012.

One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.

It will take hard work, and will require intentionality and commitment. But if you let it, your word will shape you and your year. It will guide your decisions and help you grow.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

One word. 365 days. A life changed.

This year I decided to jump in, but I couldn’t come up with a word. One word is hard for me. I need a couple paragraphs. So I prayed and asked God to show me. Show me a word that will mean a mouthful.

And He did.

While thinking about the songs that resonate with me in this season of life, it hit me: breathe.

It’s hard to explain all that this word means to me because it encompasses so much.

From this:

Genesis 2:7


Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person. (NLT)

To breathe is to live.

This life is a gift from God.

To this:

2 Corinthians 2:14


In the Messiah, in Christ, God leads us from place to place in one perpetual victory parade. Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life. (The Message)

What a thought, that my life could be a sweet aroma for others to breathe in.


To breathe, to pause, to infuse, inhale, inspire.

This word helps me remember that when I get overwhelmed, I need to stop and breathe. Take a pause, think about what’s really important in life…and just breathe.

It reminds me that each day is a series of breaths, each one inspiring life.

Breathe helps me remember Him. That He is present in each breath.

And that I need to be present in each breath, not wishing my life away for the BIG moments, but cherishing the ones that seem unimportant. The smiles and laughs and giggles that fill each day.

He is there in each and every one, sustaining and infusing us with life.

When I get anxious…breathe…remember whose I am, and say a prayer.

When the pressures of life overwhelm…breathe.

When I start to compare…breathe…because I’m no less or no better than anyone else.
I'm me. NO one else on this planet can fill my shoes, and I shouldn't worry about filling anyone elses either.

Breathe.

It’s my reminder to pause, get the right perspective and thank Him with every cell in my being that He’s given me breath today.

Hop over to OneWord365.com to see what all the buzz is about!
And if you would like a "one word" button like mine, hop over to Melanie's website!

Christmas Carol Lyrics

Tonight I'm heading out with a few friends to take part in CSI (Caroling Stars Initiative) through STAR 105.7's incentive to get people out caroling and spreading the Christmas cheer.

It's going to be a rainy soggy night but we've decided to go out anyways and stop in a couple nursing homes.

I was looking for music and realized how difficult it was to find the lyrics without a million pop ups so I thought I'd put together a post for you to use also.

If you would like a pdf file to print, email me and I'd be happy to send you one.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Jingle Bells

James Pierpont. publ.1857

Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh,
Over the fields we go, laughing all the way;
Bells on bob-tail ring, making spirits bright,
What fun it is to ride and sing, A sleighing song tonight, O

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh (repeat)

A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride,
And soon Miss Fanny Bright, was seated by my side;
The horse was lean and lank; misfortune seemed his lot;
He got into a drifted bank, and we, we got upsot.O

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!
O What fun it is to ride, in a one-horse open sleigh. (repeat)

Deck The Halls

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Tis the season to be jolly
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Don we now our gay apparel
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

Troll the ancient Yule-tide carol
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

See the blazing Yule before us.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Strike the harp and join the chorus.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Follow me in merry measure.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

While I tell of Yule-tide treasure.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Fast away the old year passes.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Hail the new year, lads and lasses
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Sing we joyous, all together.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Heedless of the wind and weather.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Joy To The World

Joy to the World , the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the World, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

O Come, ALL Ye Faithful

O come, all ye faithful,
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem.
Come and behold Him,
Born the King of Angels!



O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.



Sing, alleluia,
All ye choirs of angels;
O sing, all ye blissful ones of heav'n above.
Glory to God -In the highest glory!



O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.



Yea, Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning;
Jesus, to Thee be the glory giv'n;
Word of the Father,
Now in the flesh appearing,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

Silent Night

Silent night! Holy night!
All is calm, all is bright,
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child.
Holy Infant, so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night! Holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight;
Glories stream from heaven afar,
Heavenly host sing, Alleluia,
Christ, the Savior is born!
Christ the Savior is born!


Silent night! Holy night!
Son of God, love's pure light,
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.

Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French Hens,
Two turtle doves
And a Partridge in a pear tree.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled."
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th' angelic host proclaim,
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!
Christ, by highest heav'n adored:
Christ, the everlasting Lord;

Late in time behold him come,
Offspring of the favored one.
Veil'd in flesh, the Godhead see;
Hail, th'incarnate Deity:
Pleased, as man, with men to dwell,
Jesus, our Emmanuel!

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!
Hail! the heav'n-born Prince of peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!

Light and life to all he brings,
Risen with healing in his wings
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die:
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth.

Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the newborn King!



The REAL Moms Series ~ Helping Our Kids Deal with Disappointment

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Today I want to give REAL moms some tips on helping our kids deal with disappointment.

I have 4 kids ranging from 7 to 23 yrs old so we’ve dealt with everything from ‘I didn’t get the Christmas present I wanted’ to full blown broken hearts.

Life is full of little and big disappointments. As much as we'd like to spare our kids from letdowns, we can't, and really, that's a good thing. If we constantly try to shield them from disappointment, we will keep them from developing some important life skills.

Of course we want to comfort our children when they are upset and hurting and we should. But we also want to use these opportunities to teach them a few things.

I’m sure I’m not the only mom who has heard the words: THAT’s not fair!

One of the ways we can help our children is to teach them that life is NOT fair.

Just shatter that fantasy because it will only lead to more disappointment!

Face it, life is a series of wonderful and heartbreaking events.

But we can prepare our kids, and one of the best ways is by communicating with them.

Maybe our child didn’t make the team, let’s help them put that into perspective. Explaining to them: this is just one team, there will be so many more opportunities and maybe this was not the best plan for them right now. You might need to redirect them into an area that might fit them better, possibly a different sport or activity altogether.

I had a friend whose child wanted to be on the basketball team SO badly. When they didn’t make it they were crushed, but the parents encouraged them to take soccer and it’s a perfect fit.

Maybe you have older children and they are crushed about a relationship that fell apart or college or job situation, let them grieve the situation, but when you can, talk to them about how this disappointment just may work out to be the best thing that ever could have happened. Explain that maybe there is a different plan for their life and this just may be the grace of God to save them from more heartache.

And no matter what the age, remind our kids to be thankful for all the wonderful things that do surround them.

REAL moms have REAL kids that are going to face REAL disappointments but by staying connected with our kids and encouraging them through life’s disappointments we get to help steer them on their path.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7 A great place to hear full time Christmas music right now!

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

If the Shoes Don't Fit, They Might Not Be Your Shoes

I have huge feet.
There I said it.
I'm 5'9" tall and wear a size 11 shoe. I've always been so embarrassed by the size of my feet. When I was little I was in ballet class (they were attempting to teach me some grace) and they had to place a special order for my ballet slippers because of course they did not carry my size.
I desperately wanted to be petite, but couldn't even come close. I was a knobby-kneed Olive Oil.

The school put on a play about the circus and I was cast as the "tall lady." I didn't realize circus' put tall people in the same categorie as lions, bears and bearded ladies, apparently they did.

Did I mention my teeth? You know how sharks have several rows of teeth and they're all over the place? It was worse than that.

I wished that I could be someone else, just for a day...a small "normal" sized person with cute hair and a pretty smile.

I just wanted to wear my friend's shoes, but heaven knows, they would not have fit. Even today I don't have a girlfriend that I could exchange shoes with. If I tried, I'd look ridiculous and be very uncomfortable. I'd walk funny and be miserable by the end of the day. The only shoes that work for me are my own.

Just like walking around in shoes that don't fit, I've tried walking around in someone else's calling, and guess what? It doesn't fit me. I see someone doing something that I think looks really exciting and I assume that I could step right into those shoes and do it too, only to find out that it's uncomfortable, and awkward and doesn't fit me at all. And at the end of the day, I'm pretty miserable.

What about you? Are you trying to walk around in someone else's shoes?




God has uniquely called each one of us. We were created by Him, to have relationship with Him and reflect His love in this world.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

It's taken me many years to come to the place of being comfortable in my own skin. Not only physically but also my identity. Who am I....where am I going...what is my calling??

Identity is a complex thing. Am I what I do? Am I the hats I wear? Oh I hope not! They are what I do, but they don't define who I am.




My bio says "wife, mom, speaker, writer and coffee drinker who loves the Lord." The things that I do help others figure out who I might be...but truly, who I am is not a bunch of titles- thank God! Because what happens is, when life changes and the titles are gone (and I guarantee, titles will change or disappear) we're left struggling to "find ourselves."

I've been there. It's a lonely scary place to be.

It forced me to search for who I am. In my searching I realized that I will never find my identity in a title or position, no matter how noble the cause. But now I'm content to know that I am first His daughter, the rest we can figure out together. I will walk the road God has in front of me and let Him handle the "why" and "how" of things.

Her shoes are not your shoes.
So, if the shoes you are wearing don't fit, they might not be your shoes. Slide your feet and whole self into Him. Start with a simple prayer, just have a conversation with God. He promises that when we seek Him we will find Him. Start "finding yourself" by settling into His love for you. Dare to believe that you are completely accepted and loved by Him and go from there...in your own shoes.

The REAL Moms Series ~ Raising Strong Willed Kids

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...

WELCOME!

Today I thought we’d give a little bit of encouragement to moms with strong willed children.

Raising strong willed kids can be exhausting!

Strong willed kids are natural born leaders, they like to be a part of the decision making process, so when it's not a major issue I encourage you to give them choices.

When we want them to do something like cleaning their room or doing homework it helps to lay out options for our kids.

Strong willed kids thrive on choices as opposed to direct orders.

Obviously this would not apply to things like playing in traffic. I would not let them have that option. That would make you a bad mom. Not a real mom.

Now that that’s established…*of course I'm teasing*

When we want them to clean their room but they would rather go play outside, we give them a choice; either clean their room and go play outside or sit in a chair, in the house-having no fun.

OR, when we want them to do homework but they would rather play video games, we tell them that they can choose: homework and then video games or if you don’t do your homework there will be no video games and you’ll sit in time out.

I know it's simple and actually a little bit sneaky on our part but we're letting them feel like they have a sense of control over the situation.
It gives them a sense that they are part of the decision which is something that a strong willed child thrives on. They like options. We give them choice A which is what we would like them to choose and then choice B which is whatever we decide would be NO FUN for them.
Always emphasizing that the choice is theirs.
Bottom line, we’re training them to make wise choices.

It is very important with strong willed children that you stay in your position of authority with them, all children want safe boundaries-even when it seems that want to take over- they really want you to be in charge.

A couple other points:

Don’t fight with your child.
Be consistent.
Be fair.
Set clear boundaries.
Choose your battles wisely.
Let calmer heads prevail.

And most important, let me say that strong willed kids are awesome! They are leaders, they will be mountain movers but we need to help them funnel that drive in the right direction and teaching them to make wise choices will help that happen.

It can be really frustrating at times but it’s so worth it. Stay consistent. You’re a REAL mom, you can do this!

I'd love to hear your input on strong willed kids, any tips you want to share with us?

Listen for more tips about strong willed kids and other Mom topics on the REAL Moms of West Michigan on STAR 105.7!
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Life is a Series of Moments

I am thankful.
My family and friends give me reason to smile every day.

Even when I look back at the events in my life that brought intense pain, I see how they have served to mold me into the person I am. I was not always thankful for those times but I was thankful in them because I believed that God loved me and even if I couldn't see His purposes at the time, I trusted in that love.

There were desperate days that I clung to the hem of His garment begging for things to change...and in His grace they didn't. But that past pain has now brought depth and feeling to areas in my life that could have remained numb. It's brought deep growth when complacentcy could have kept me shallow.

Most of all, it's made me thankful. Embracing the good times with family and cherishing my sweet friends that I share laughter and tears with. Holding moments of love tightly in my heart and turning from the clutches of bitter unforgiveness and offense.

Life is a series of moments.

Don't let the moments get lost in the momentum.

And laugh. Laugh a lot.

This is an entry from a my journal when Lauren was 5 years old...it still makes me laugh, I hope it brings a smile to your face today too.

Hearing loud music coming from her bedroom, I crack the door to hear Toby Keith blaring and see this child siting on the bed with her motorcycle helmet on surrounded by our two large dogs while "talking" on her cell phone. She looks up at me and says without a second's hesitation..."oh good you can be the Grandma."

I hope your Thanksgiving has many wonderful moments.

Much love,
Sue

Teaching Our Kids to Be Thankful

Yesterday I stopped into Meijer to grab my Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was pardoned at our house this year, so I picked up ham, potatoes, corn and all the other traditional goodies to make our meal.
With a full cart I wheeled into the fastest lane. Yes, I pretend to live in a parallel universe where the lines are short and fast the week of Thanksgiving.

There were two people in front of me. A frazzled women with an overflowing cart full of groceries and clamoring children was at the register while an older man who had the face and the belly of a Grandpa stood between us. He looked remarkably like Santa Clause but he wore a black World War II baseball-style cap and there were no reindeer in sight.

The woman was a coupon-er. I am not a coupon-er but have the utmost respect for them. Unless they are in front of me in line. Then I have to wait while they finagle argue sort out their coupons with the cashier who is not conviced that they have all the correct sizes for the coupons in hand.

While I wait, I impatiently happily check my phone and catch up on the tweets I've missed. As the minutes tick by I search for anything written by Ann Voskamp because surely that will calm my nerves, quiet my heart and probably bring me to tears in front of God and everyone in Meijer.

But the sweet World War II veteran in front of me obviously doesn't have an iphone or Ann Voskamp's twitter name. He also seems to be shifting back and forth on his legs and his face shows the ache of many years and maybe a war or two.

He quietly slips out of the lane leaving his two items on the belt. He shuffles his feet to the other side of the store and settles on a hard wooden bench. He looks tired but relieved to be sitting. I see a slow breath leave his chest as his head looks down to the floor.

The coupon woman noticed that he left and apologetically pleaded her case with the cashier and I. She didn't mean to be taking so long, why had he left?...where did he go?...was he angry?...she was embarrassed and even more frazzled. I told her that he had walked to the bench and surely just needed to take a break from standing.

As she walked away the cashier reached to take the mans items off the belt but I asked that she leave them. I would take care of it.

I paid for the grocerys and walked towards the door to the man on the bench. I reached over and handed him his bag and he burst forth with explanation that his legs had grown tired while standing there and he couldn't do it any longer. I nodded that I understood. He then reached for his wallet and tried to pay me. I shook my head no and thanked him for his service. He struggled to pull money out of his pocket but I was already walking through the door and I repeated my thankfulness for his service to our country as I slipped out of the store.

I know it was a small gesture, but I can't tell you how wonderful my heart felt to thank that man for his service to our country and it occured to me that being thankful is not something that we do just to bless others, it is a gift we give to ourselves.

A thankful heart is peaceful.
A thankful heart is not anxious or wanting the best seat at the table.
A thankful heart brings humility and it respects others.
When we are thankful, we esteems others as greater than ourselves and that is a beautiful way to live.

I want to live in that beauty and I want my children to also.

As parents we have the opportunity to train our children to be thankful. The best way we can do this is to live with a thankful heart. Children are smart, they see how we live and they live that way too.

I mentioned a couple practical ways to teach our kids to be thankful when I spoke on Star 105.7 this week on our Real Moms of West Michigan segment, they are:

• Teach them to say thank you. And not just a half-hearted mumbled looking at the ground “thank you.” But we can teach them to look in to the persons eyes and clearly say thank you.

I had to work on this with my 7 yr old because someone would say to her, 'oh you look so pretty' and she would just smile and nod. As if to say- yes I AM darling.

No, I taught her, you need to look them in the eye and say thank you.

• Another thing that is helpful is to ask your kids at bedtime, what are you thankful for today? If they don’t know…teach them the things to be thankful for:

“That we were kept safe every time drove in the car”
“That we are all healthy”
“That we have a warm home to sleep in”

• Also, teach your kids to be thankful
  by giving to others.

I read about a great idea on the Happy Home Fairy blog to teach your kids to be thankful for others…they took individual bags of un-popped microwave popcorn and attached a little sticker/tag to it that said, “we just want to pop in to say we are thankful for you…and then signed their name”
You can hop over to the blog for free printable tags.
Give them to teachers, mailmen, bank teller, coaches and anyone else that touches their life. It helps to get our kids thinking about who they are thankful for.

Thankfulness is not just something to focus on during the holidays but if it opens the door to have the conversation, by all means walk through it. Use this time of year to teach the kids what a heart of thanksgiving looks like.

It will grow them up to be beautiful people.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

God Understands the Tears of a Wife

Hello Ladies!

I'm posting over at the Internet Cafe' today:


God Understands the Tears of a Wife

But before you read it I want to emphasize something that I'm not sure I did well enough in that post...

The post is about how God will heal the heart of a woman no matter what situation she is in, but it is NOT saying that a woman should stay in a situation that is either verbally or physically abusive or one in which your spouse is living in adultery.

I don't want someone to read that and think...God will heal me so I need to stay here and continue to be abused. NO.

God will heal...He sees your tears, that is the heart of the post. The healing of a woman.

If you are in a painful relationship, I am so sorry. God is faithful, lean into Him.
Praying for you,
Sue

Love You More

They say there is a special connection among families that adopt. I would have to agree. I felt that when reading this book by Jennifer Grant. It especially hit home as she already had 3 children when she adopted and I've faced some of the same looks and unsolicited advice from people in the grocery store. However, the gap in our kids age is so great that it is usually just Lauren and I, so I get the "oh you poor infertile woman" smile quite often. Sometimes I wish I had a shirt that says, "My other kid is 23."

"Love You More: the Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter" is the story of a family that had a strong marriage and three happy healthy children yet still sensed something was missing.
Yes, I can relate to that!

It's exactly how we felt 7 years ago.

"Expanding my family by adoption pushed me into uncomfortable places, challenged my notions about what family means, and brought abiding happiness. Like all true ones, my story is comprised of joyful moments and times of deep longing and pain," says Grant.

Love You More is an eye-opening look for readers to peer into the world of adoption. It is not only a beautiful story of God weaving a family together, but it serves a wonderful resource for anyone considering adoption.


Whether or not you have the nudgings of adoption, you will enjoy this book. It will warm your heart and wake the thankfulness we so often grow numb to in the everyday craziness of life.

Check out Jennifer Grant's:



Webpage

Facebook page for Love You More

The Real Moms Series ~ Parent/Teacher Conferences

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!



Tips for Great Parent Teacher Conferences

It’s hard to believe that it’s that time of year again. Didn’t we just step off the beach 5 minutes ago? Ok maybe not, but here we go, parent/teacher conferences.

While every situation, child, classroom and teacher are different, here are a few tips on making your conferences productive:

1. Prepare ahead of time.
Look at the work your child brings home to gage how they are doing.
Talk to your child on a regular basis about how school is going for them.
I would suggest that you don’t just ask: “How is school going?” because you will get the answer “Fine.”
Instead, ask questions that will enlist more than one word answers.
Such as:
“What subjects do you like best and why?”
“Are you struggling with any of your work?”
“Who is your favorite teacher?” and “What do you like about their class?”
“Who do you hang out with at lunch/recess?” and “Are there any kids that you avoid? And why?”

2. Be ready with the questions you want to ask before going to the conference, write them down if you need to.
Examples:
a. Is my child keeping up with the rest of the class? Do you see any learning disabilities or does my child need to be challenged more in the classroom?
b. What are my child’s strong points?
c. Does my child participate in the classroom?
d. How does my child get along with others?
e. If the child is struggling with bad grades, is there anything they can do for extra credit?

3. Let the conference be a two way conversation, don’t do all the talking, but your input is very important to a good relationship with their teacher.

4. See the teacher as a partner in our child’s learning. I haven’t always been thrilled with my child’s teacher or their teaching style but unless the situation is beyond repair, it is best to try and work things out.

5. Thank the teacher and ask for his/her suggestions on what you can do at home to help your child with his/her schoolwork.

6. Pray for their teacher and your student. Lauren and I pray together each day on the way to school.

We’ve had up and down moments through the school years.
My kids didn’t always give school their best effort but it helped when we stayed engaged in what they were doing and kept accountability by asking them about their assignments and stopping in to the classroom to check in with the teacher.

Conferences with the teacher also helped keep me on my toes because face it, we’re moms, we have a million things needing our attention. A good partnership with our child’s teacher can be a great thing for us real moms!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Motherhood

Motherhood is not for the weak.

There's the screaming, crying, sleeplessness and constant emotional roller coasters that women have to deal with.

AND THEN we become a mother.

Now suddenly we're living in a home with one or more other highly irrational individuals.

No one prepared us for this.
They didn't hand out a manual when they set that darling little bundle in our arms and wheeled us out the door of the hospital.

Sure, those women at our baby shower sat there smiling and oohing and cooing about the cute little outfits and bath towels. They had no problem telling us the horrors of labor, but they failed to mention what life with children is really like, or that we would never actually use those silly little bath towels.

They didn't tell us that it's the most frightening, wonderful, terrifying yet glorious experience this side of heaven.

Each season of raising children has joys and trials of it's own.

The euphoria of being a new mom wrapped in the stark reality that we will never-ever enjoy another selfish moment to ourselves.

The joys of toddlers, the adorableness of watching them experience a butterfly while trying to corral them from wobbling into oncoming traffic.

The enthusiasm of pre-schoolers learning to speak in sentences while hushing them before they tell the world that mommy yells at daddy.

The thrill of our school age children playing sports while we sit in the wind and the rain cheering and shivering til we lose our voice.

Then the teens years of figuring out the gentle balance of parent, friend, mentor and confidant. No one prepared me for when that ice-cream smothered smile who wanted an underdog would wish that I didn't walk into school with them.

Suddenly, we blink and they are moving out of our homes and starting new lives. Spreading their wings while we pray that they don't make all the same mistakes we did.

But they will.
And then some.
And it's ok, they need to.
It's how we learned, and they will too.

My children are 23, 21, 19 and 7.
I tease that I've become my own mentor.
Sometimes I think I got another chance to get it right, and then I see how great my kids are doing and think- maybe I didn't get it so wrong.

Raising Lauren is so different from the first three.
My first three were so close together and life was crazy!
But with Lauren, things are much more subdued and I enjoy a lot more one-on-one time with her, which is good because those first 2 years in an orphanage left her filled with internal scars and needing a mommy with time for her.

I am so blessed also to have the opportunity to speak to so many MOPS groups. I love these women and the precious time of life that they are in.
I remember needing encouragement.
Needing someone to say, "you will get through this season, and you will be thankful for it!"

I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Elisa Morgan, founder of MOPS.
She is a little powerhouse. A precious woman with a heart of gold. Check out her latest book, "She Did What She Could."


Thank you Elisa Morgan for starting this amazing ministry and lifting the hearts of young moms everywhere!

Please encourage a mom with young ones today, and call her on your way to the store, chances are she could stand to have you pick something up for her.

To find a MOPS group in your area:
MOPS International

Changing Our Tone Changes Everything

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

This is what we talked about on "The Real Moms of West Michigan" today.
(Don't you just picture me in fuzzy robe and slippers??
Add a cup of coffee and side-show Bob hair and that's pretty much me!)

“Changing Our Tone Changes Everything”

The other day I was scolding Lauren (my 7yr old) for not getting ready fast enough, which is a common occurrence because I tend to be running behind, and suddenly I heard my angry voice barking orders at her and I was horrified by the sound of it.

I thought about the fact that I would never talk to someone else this way.

AND...if I ever heard another person speak in this tone to my child, I would get all kinds of ugly on them!

But here I was, unloading on my child, my precious daughter who I dearly love!

And her response?

To bark right back at me.


Yes. It’s a vicious cycle.

I thought to myself…this is NOT working. I have to change my tone.

I thought of what it says in Proverbs 15:1.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

I needed to deflect my anger.
So I took a deep breath and spoke in my best "nice mom" voice.


Immediately, it changed the atmosphere in the room. She calmed down, we got ready and headed out the door.

Thankfully, the simple act of calming my voice and quieting my tone can change
the atmosphere of our homes!

So, I want to encourage Mom’s today to think about the sound of our voices because our kids respond so much better when we speak to them in calmer tones.

I KNOW this isn’t easy, but it can change everything if we give it a try and WE will feel better about ourselves as Moms too.

I hope you were encouraged by this Real Mom moment!

Much love,
Sue Cramer

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

My Cat Story

I figured it was a good day to humilitate myself so here goes!


Many years ago, I had this cat. Her name was Baby. She was very sweet, but had some rather annoying traits. One was her voice, she had the kind of meow that sounded like nails on a chalkboard, but at least she only did it in the middle of the night.

She also had this strange habit of backing up to something and shaking her tail as if she was spraying it, but thankfully, nothing ever seemed to come out. I had heard of male cats doing this, but never females. When I had my first child it became very annoying because she would do it around his things, as if to mark her territory.

So one day I decided to call the vet and ask if there was something I could do about it. As I explained to the receptionist how she would back up to things and shake her tail as if she was spraying, the woman seemed just as perplexed as I was. She sat there silently for a moment and said “who is doing this?” and I explained once more that it was my female cat and I wondered if she had any advice for me. She then very sweetly said that I should probably call a vet, and it was at that moment that I looked down at my address book and realized that I had called my gynecologist.

I hung the phone up as fast as I could. I was so embarrassed that I never even called the vet. I picked up a spray bottle and drenched the cat whenever she shook anything.

I've shared this story many time to illustrate that it's so important to think about who we are calling. A friend or family member may seem the most logical choice but is it really the one who is most equipped to help us?

If our heart is broken or we are struggling...the Father wants to be the first call we make.

Pray first.

And never. Never. Call the gynecologist about the cat.