Tips on Raising Middle Schoolers

Ok, so that beautiful little cooing baby that you held just five minutes ago has grown up to be a middle-schooler. Those little rosy cheeks that were once irresistible to squeeze are now speckled with acne.

Remember when they were a toddler and their squeals would lead us to say things like, “oh my, he’s found his voice.” And now staring eye to eye, they argue with us and we think, “oh good gravy, he's found his voice.”

Raising kids reminds me a little of that show Wipe Out. It’s a muddy obstacle course that requires you to jump across giant slippery balls.

Yup, I’d say it’s pretty much exactly like motherhood.

But don’t lose heart moms, we can do this. Here are a few tips to help us navigate this exhausting wonderful time of transition in our child’s life.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Moms, we will have plenty of major things in life to lose sleep over, don’t give it up for the little things. Pick your battles wisely. Remember, these kids have hormones and emotions that are spinning wildly inside of them and they might just need us to let them vent a bit.

2. Be careful to be encouraging and not critical. They are hearing critical words all the time, let your words be filled with hope and not criticism. This may take some creative thinking on your part at times, but you’re a MOM, you can do this! Build up instead of tear down, even when we see things that put us on the shady side of crazy.

3. Don’t talk too much! I raise my hand as a guilty party here. I can get rambling and before I know it all that my kids are hearing is white noise. Stop the lectures, they tune us out anyway, why waste the breath. Do speak, but not too much…try to find the balance or you’ll end up like this.

The most important thing to remember is that our kids need us. They need us on their side, fighting FOR them in this world not against them.

God has given us an incredible job, and He really does know what He’s doing. You ARE cut out for this…quite perfectly in fact.

I'd love to hear what things have helped you navigate these precious years.

Listen to the Real Moms of West Michigan every Tuesday at 7:05AM on STAR 105.7.
If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

How Can We Help Our Kids Do Well in School

This is good news for REAL moms!

Tutors are great but studies show that the best students are not ones with tutors but instead a strong family support makes a child a better learner.

It turns out that the family environment is crucial in forming good habits early on in a child's life. Who'da thought?!

Here are a few ways we can help our kids do well in school:

1. Give them a place to study and do homework. Try to keep the noise to a dull roar distractions to a minimum and as much as possible have it be a consistent time each day.

That being said...this REAL mom has practiced spelling words in the car on many occasions.

2. We've talked about this a few times but it bares repeating...communicate with your kids, ask them how things are going in their classes. Which classes do they struggle in, which class is their favorite and why.

3. Communicate with teachers, find out if homework is getting turned in and how they feel your child is doing in class. And as your child see you doing this, the accountability may be good incentive to work harder.

4. Help your kids learn HOW to study. This will really help them as they get older. If you've ever been super tired like me at the end of a day (like I was in this post) and then you realize that they didn't do their homework and you are tempted to just give them the answers, because I have not that I've done that... but we really shouldn't. A better (more patient and rested) parent will teach them how to find the answers. :)

5. And the most important (well not really but it seems that the last one should always be the most important) remain supportive even when they struggle.

Homework is not ever always a fun time of the day, but investing in our kids is worth it!
Real moms like you and I can make a huge difference, in fact the MOST difference in our kids education.
I'd love to hear any tips you have!
Sue

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

How Can I Build My Child's Self Esteem?

If you listened you heard that...only I could forget the rest of "sticks and stones will break your bones but..." I had a complete brain block at that moment!! Well, I hope you laughed with me, but if you laughed AT me, at least we both got a laugh :)



One way you can help build your child's self-esteem: speak words that build up and not tear down.
We can help build the self-esteem of our children by focusing more on their strengths and accomplishments rather than their short comings.

A child’s self-esteem is often built on what those close to them say about them, so we can make a huge impact in our kid’s lives if we praise them and encourage the positive decisions they make. And when they fail and make mistakes, speak words like: I know you can do better! Let them know that you believe in them.

It’s so important that moms build up and not tear down our kids.

For instance; I just cringe when I hear parents call their child stupid or dumb, it’s heartbreaking and flat out cruel. Yes, they will do stupid things… so will we…but let’s separate those actions from who they are as a person.

When a parent tells a child they are stupid or even "bad," it tears down the very core of who they are. Let’s not let their mistakes become part of their identity. I sure don’t want to be defined by the many times I’ve fallen, instead I want to be encouraged to pick myself up and do better next time.

Instead we can say something like: That was not the best decision to make, but YOU are smart. I’m sure you’ll do better next time.

And, isn’t that what we want too?

So, think about the words we speak to our kids…speak words of encouragement and praise.

Real moms can build their kid’s self-esteem by building them up, not tearing them down.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

When Moms Should Say Yes

Hello Moms! 

 I’ve talked before about encouraging moms to say NO to the things that keep us too busy and away from the family but today I want to encourage moms to say yes. Turns out that our kids respond better in what is considered a positive atmosphere. Who knew?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about giving in to every whim at the grocery store or all the treats their little heart’s desire because our kids can ask us what seems like a million questions in a day. I’m referring to those times when a “yes” is possible, just not always convenient for us.

It can be so easy to fall into a groove of continually saying NO. We’re busy we’re running around and it’s hard to say yes when we’re on a mission, it’s inconvenient, but…we could probably say yes a little more than we do.

I have the habit of saying no to messy things…play dough, Legos, painting or friends over after school…..sleepovers…you know, the things that get in the way of MY day. It’s also a challenge for me to say yes to stopping what I’m doing to play a board game or the Wii.

And then I read things like this from Mr. Fred Rogers:

In the book The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember, Fred Rogers wrote that, "I hope you're proud of yourself for the times you've said yes, when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly only helpful to someone else."

Ok, so REAL moms…every time we consider saying “no,” let’s stop and ask ourselves a simple question: Can I give my child a “yes” instead?

Matt 10:16

And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Another "Confessions of a Bad Mom" Post

Hey ladies!
I'm over at the Internet Cafe today sharing some stuff about homework, motherhood and my refusal to add 3 plus 4. I'd love it if you dropped by and gave some input!

Confessions of a Mom With Too Much Dander

What Can Moms Do About Bullying

Maranda had an excellent program this weekend on “Where You Live” about bullying.

I encourage all moms to check out her blog, she has some great insights from parents, kids and professionals.

One of the girls on that show said something so eye opening about the core of the pain these kids feel. Her name was Karleigh and she said: “when you feel worthless, all you want to do is die”

And I thought, THAT is the heart of what these kids are feeling when they are bullied, they feel worthless and de-valued. And I’m not a professional but as a MOM, I can help my child feel worth. I can show them that they have value.
I can validate them by encouraging them, praising them for accomplishments, telling our little girls that they are beautiful.

Our youngest daughter was adopted from China and she was born with a cleft lip and palate and her scar is very obvious and her little nose is flatter and kids say things to her that break her heart. I talked about it in this post: No One Else Looks Like Me

So we continually tell her she’s beautiful and how precious she is to us and to God, and I see that lift her countenance. It really makes a difference.

Our kids need us to fill their tanks.They need to know that they are an important part not only of our family but of the world. That they have a place, and they have a purpose. They are not here by accident.

And on the other side of this, we can talk to our kids about how we are all different and just like we encourage our kids- that the other kids in their school have a purpose too- and teach our kids to be sensitive to the differences in all of us.

It's as simple as:
Love your neighbor as yourself.

Real moms can make a difference when we show our children their value and worth.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

REAL Moms, Give Yourself a Break

It was the end of an exhausting day and then it was bedtime. If you read my previous post, you know that it can be tiring and this night was no different. I tucked Lauren in, said our prayers and as I stepped over her threshold it begins. It is literally as my foot crosses over to bolt down the steps, she hollers; “MOM! Don’t forget to turn the hall light on.”

Light goes on, I take another step; “MOM! I’m thirsty!” (Does your child immediately become parched the minute their little head hits the pillow? Desert parched…as if we’ve been withholding liquids since breakfast.)

And it continues from there, with the initial siren each time being the word, Maaaaaaaa-OM!

By the time I make it all the way down the stairs I pretty much look this:

I was worn out and I thought, I wonder how many other moms are feeling just like I do right now? Like a worthless mess. So I tweeted something like this:

@praiseandcoffee “I just want to give all the moms out there a high five right now because you are probably too hard on yourself.”

I was shocked at all the feedback, I had struck a nerve. Women were thanking me and saying that they have been beating up on themselves about not being a good enough Mom.

For some reason we tend to put unreal expectations on ourselves and when we fall short or I prefer to say “when we are REAL moms,” we beat ourselves up. We blame ourselves for situations that are out of our hands and we struggle to fix things in our kid’s life that we don’t have the power to fix.

We’re Moms, not magicians.

And then sometimes we DO just blow it. It IS our fault. But that’s why I constantly fall back on the incredible grace of God- who gave me these children in the first place.

I cling to this verse daily, because I need it new every day!

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. Lam. 3:22-23

Today I want to give the Moms in West Michigan and all who read this, a high five and tell you to stop beating yourself up.

You are doing a great job! You may be over-worked and under-appreciated, but, what you are doing really matters.Moms, you make a difference, a huge difference. No one can love your children like you.

God gave you these little darlings so don’t ever be afraid to call on Him to help you raise them.

I'm on the "Real Moms of West Michigan" which airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Why I Make Mashed Potatoes

Want to help your kids stay off drugs and do better in school? Get cooking Momma! Or pay good money to a take-out joint that does.

Studies have actually shown that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to get into trouble…literally they tend not to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and they are much more likely to do well in school.

One study says that kids who eat most often with their parents are 40% more likely to get mainly A's and B's in school than kids who have two or fewer family dinners a week.

The chair is an anchor, not a bad anchor like a ball and chain, but a good anchor like the one that keeps your boat close enough to shore but just out of the weeds so that you can swim. Because, if you are anything like me and your foot touches a weed, it’s game over. Weeds and the theme to Jaws, two things that make me a big fan of pools.

Back to anchor…we sit, we eat, we talk. We live and grow together.

The conversation at the table is a window into each other’s lives. We share stories from our day and Lauren asks questions.

“How do people talk with their mouth?”

“Why is my head this size?”

“Why don’t we lick ourselves like dogs?”

And that’s why I make mashed potatoes because Lauren loves them and calls them “mashed-ta-pa-tatoes” and they keep her mouth really busy. Sometimes we just need her mouth to be busy.

Click on picture to go to Ree's incredible mashed potatoe recipe!

I admit, eating together at the table is a struggle for my family. With kids ranging from 7-21 years old living in the house with busy schedules we have a hard time getting us all in the same place at once. But I love it when we do and I’m working on making it happen more often.

What about you? How often do you eat together as a family and what are your thoughts on the subject?

I'm on the "Real Moms of West Michigan" which airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Tips for Busy Moms!

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Another in the Real Moms of West Michigan series heard Tuesday mornings on STAR 105.7...
Real Moms are Busy!

I kept telling myself that things would slow down after the holidays but that hasn’t proved to be true and I have a feeling many of you moms feel the same way!
So I have a couple ideas to help us slow down- at least a little.

1. If you are anything like me you have excellent intentions to delegate jobs to the kids but don’t actually make a plan. It’s time- make a plan so the kids know that at meal time…Josh has to help cut up veggies, Sam has to set the table while another will be helping clean up. If these things are delegated ahead of time, it’s much easier because the kids already know and plan on it.

Unnecessary commentary: Obviously the more children you have, the lighter the load for you...so go ahead and have a few more.

2. Don’t worry about what all the other moms are doing. Everyone taking their turn is important but you don’t have to run the committee and organize the whole event if you don’t want to. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to what all the other moms are doing but I’ve found that that’s not a good reason to be busy with things.

More unnecessary commentary: Plus that mom that is doing EVERYTHING at your child's school is probably compensating for something lacking in her life and since you don't carry those insecurities you don't need to have your hand up for every single thing.

Don’t worry about what the other moms are doing…which leads us to the last thing I have:

3. Say no to the things that are not necessary or beneficial to your family. Set those boundaries around your family. Teach the kids by example to make good choices with your time and say no to some of the extra time consuming things.

Like Facebook and Twitter, you should stay far away from those things.

I hope things slow down enough for you to take some much needed time and catch up on my blog though! Much love to ya busy moms!!!!
Sue

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7
And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

A Few Tips to Help Moms This Week

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Another in the Real Moms of West Michigan series heard Tuesday mornings on STAR 105.7...
It’s here, the final stretch until Christmas, how are you doing?

Lauren (7) is literally bouncing off the walls this week. Yesterday I was folding clothes and she did about 47 cart wheels in my bedroom and then showed me her gymnastics move on the bar of my treadmill.

I may not be able to help calm the kids down but I do have a few tips that might help you get through this week:

1. De-clutter! Let the kids help, teach them that Christmas is a team sport!

Give them two bags and send them to their bedrooms/playrooms with these instructions:

a. One bag is for trash and broken toys.
b. The other is for toys and items that are no longer played with and can be donated.

This is the perfect time to do this because you have leverage…the kids want new toys and they are trying to be on their best behavior this week, so give them incentive and let them loose.

2. Last minute gift shopping? My answer: gift cards.

Chances are that by now if you haven’t picked up a gift for someone it’s because they are difficult to buy for, so a gift card is the perfect solution.

NOTE: Men, this does not work with you wife. You should put some thought into her gift unless you like sleeping in the garage.

3. Put this week/season in perspective, what REALLY matters this week? Sure, we can run around and make everything just right, but that’s truly not the point of this season.

Instead of thinking PERfection this week, think AFFection.

It’s about the ones we love, not the perfectly wrapped gifts.
Savor the moments not just the ham, and experience peace this Christmas instead of anxiety.

Christmas started with the birth of a baby in Bethlehem but when that baby grew He revealed the reason for His life:

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

This post shares a little more about how perfection was not the focus of Christmas.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

A great place to hear full time Christmas music right now!

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

When the Unthinkable Happens and Your Child is Sick

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Another in the Real Moms of West Michigan series heard Tuesday mornings on STAR 105.7...


Seven years ago my life was thrown into a whirlwind of hospitals, doctors, insulin, injections and ketones. I had no idea what ketones were but I learned quickly when my 13 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 juvenille diabetes. No one in our family was diabetic so I was shocked to learn that my son could have diabetes and need insulin for the rest of his life.

I didn’t know the symptoms of diabetes so by the time I realized that he was sick, he was VERY sick. His blood sugar was over 800 (normal is 80-100) and he was lethargic, dangerously close to going into a coma. Oh and did I mention that my husband was on the other side of the world walking the hills of Israel with Ed and Kent Dobson? Yes, unreachable. I had to be the strong one, and I don’t always do strong real well. Thankfully my brother and some wonderful friends were there by my side.

The hospital was amazing. The staff was incredibly helpful and patient with this overwhelmed and under knowledged mom. One nurse in particular touched me in a precious way, her name was Becky.

It was day 2 in the ICU and she was teaching me about insulin and the how, when, where and why’s of giving my son injections as I practiced on a towel. I was still processing the fact that he was diabetic while learning how to handle emergencies that could arise after we took him home. This nurse understood my grief and confusion, she shared with me that her son was also diagnosed with type 1 diabetes as an older child.

As you can imagine, I asked her a million questions. But there was one question I was terrified to ask but she knew was plaguing me. In the middle of my injection class, she looked at me, put her hand on mine and said, “This is not your fault.”

I burst into tears.

Becky knew that at the core of all my angst was the gripping fear that I had caused this to happen, that somehow if I had been a better mom I could have prevented this. She had experienced the same feelings when her son was diagnosed. My tears brought her to tears and we both sat there and cried. I needed that and I’m so-so thankful that she was there to share it with me.

My son is now 21 years old and a healthy strong young man.

This week on the Real Moms of West Michigan on STAR 105.7 I shared this story in hopes of encouraging moms who might be in the middle of a difficult situation with a special needs, sick, hospitalized or emotionally challenged child.

When the unthinkable happens and our child is sick or born with a special need, our lives can turn upside-down and as Moms we face all kinds of challenges, physically and emotionally.

My heart goes out to you and though I can’t change it, I pray that God would bring the comfort and encouragement into your life through those around you. And I pray you know that it is not because you were a bad mom or did something wrong, this is the difficult side of life that gives us a depth and compassion that only a mother can understand.

I’m so thankful to the hospitals and the doctors who have supported and helped us over the years, which is why I wanted to share this-this week when Tommy and Brook on STAR 105.7 are doing their TOY (Think Outside Yourself) radiothon to help raise money for the Helen Devos Children’s hospital.
Click on the link if you would like to learn more about it.

And here is a video by Brook's son about his stay at the hospital.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

A great place to hear full time Christmas music right now!

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The REAL Moms Series ~ Helping Our Kids Deal with Disappointment

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...welcome!

Today I want to give REAL moms some tips on helping our kids deal with disappointment.

I have 4 kids ranging from 7 to 23 yrs old so we’ve dealt with everything from ‘I didn’t get the Christmas present I wanted’ to full blown broken hearts.

Life is full of little and big disappointments. As much as we'd like to spare our kids from letdowns, we can't, and really, that's a good thing. If we constantly try to shield them from disappointment, we will keep them from developing some important life skills.

Of course we want to comfort our children when they are upset and hurting and we should. But we also want to use these opportunities to teach them a few things.

I’m sure I’m not the only mom who has heard the words: THAT’s not fair!

One of the ways we can help our children is to teach them that life is NOT fair.

Just shatter that fantasy because it will only lead to more disappointment!

Face it, life is a series of wonderful and heartbreaking events.

But we can prepare our kids, and one of the best ways is by communicating with them.

Maybe our child didn’t make the team, let’s help them put that into perspective. Explaining to them: this is just one team, there will be so many more opportunities and maybe this was not the best plan for them right now. You might need to redirect them into an area that might fit them better, possibly a different sport or activity altogether.

I had a friend whose child wanted to be on the basketball team SO badly. When they didn’t make it they were crushed, but the parents encouraged them to take soccer and it’s a perfect fit.

Maybe you have older children and they are crushed about a relationship that fell apart or college or job situation, let them grieve the situation, but when you can, talk to them about how this disappointment just may work out to be the best thing that ever could have happened. Explain that maybe there is a different plan for their life and this just may be the grace of God to save them from more heartache.

And no matter what the age, remind our kids to be thankful for all the wonderful things that do surround them.

REAL moms have REAL kids that are going to face REAL disappointments but by staying connected with our kids and encouraging them through life’s disappointments we get to help steer them on their path.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7 A great place to hear full time Christmas music right now!

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The REAL Moms Series ~ Raising Strong Willed Kids

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...

WELCOME!

Today I thought we’d give a little bit of encouragement to moms with strong willed children.

Raising strong willed kids can be exhausting!

Strong willed kids are natural born leaders, they like to be a part of the decision making process, so when it's not a major issue I encourage you to give them choices.

When we want them to do something like cleaning their room or doing homework it helps to lay out options for our kids.

Strong willed kids thrive on choices as opposed to direct orders.

Obviously this would not apply to things like playing in traffic. I would not let them have that option. That would make you a bad mom. Not a real mom.

Now that that’s established…*of course I'm teasing*

When we want them to clean their room but they would rather go play outside, we give them a choice; either clean their room and go play outside or sit in a chair, in the house-having no fun.

OR, when we want them to do homework but they would rather play video games, we tell them that they can choose: homework and then video games or if you don’t do your homework there will be no video games and you’ll sit in time out.

I know it's simple and actually a little bit sneaky on our part but we're letting them feel like they have a sense of control over the situation.
It gives them a sense that they are part of the decision which is something that a strong willed child thrives on. They like options. We give them choice A which is what we would like them to choose and then choice B which is whatever we decide would be NO FUN for them.
Always emphasizing that the choice is theirs.
Bottom line, we’re training them to make wise choices.

It is very important with strong willed children that you stay in your position of authority with them, all children want safe boundaries-even when it seems that want to take over- they really want you to be in charge.

A couple other points:

Don’t fight with your child.
Be consistent.
Be fair.
Set clear boundaries.
Choose your battles wisely.
Let calmer heads prevail.

And most important, let me say that strong willed kids are awesome! They are leaders, they will be mountain movers but we need to help them funnel that drive in the right direction and teaching them to make wise choices will help that happen.

It can be really frustrating at times but it’s so worth it. Stay consistent. You’re a REAL mom, you can do this!

I'd love to hear your input on strong willed kids, any tips you want to share with us?

Listen for more tips about strong willed kids and other Mom topics on the REAL Moms of West Michigan on STAR 105.7!
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Teaching Our Kids to Be Thankful

Yesterday I stopped into Meijer to grab my Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was pardoned at our house this year, so I picked up ham, potatoes, corn and all the other traditional goodies to make our meal.
With a full cart I wheeled into the fastest lane. Yes, I pretend to live in a parallel universe where the lines are short and fast the week of Thanksgiving.

There were two people in front of me. A frazzled women with an overflowing cart full of groceries and clamoring children was at the register while an older man who had the face and the belly of a Grandpa stood between us. He looked remarkably like Santa Clause but he wore a black World War II baseball-style cap and there were no reindeer in sight.

The woman was a coupon-er. I am not a coupon-er but have the utmost respect for them. Unless they are in front of me in line. Then I have to wait while they finagle argue sort out their coupons with the cashier who is not conviced that they have all the correct sizes for the coupons in hand.

While I wait, I impatiently happily check my phone and catch up on the tweets I've missed. As the minutes tick by I search for anything written by Ann Voskamp because surely that will calm my nerves, quiet my heart and probably bring me to tears in front of God and everyone in Meijer.

But the sweet World War II veteran in front of me obviously doesn't have an iphone or Ann Voskamp's twitter name. He also seems to be shifting back and forth on his legs and his face shows the ache of many years and maybe a war or two.

He quietly slips out of the lane leaving his two items on the belt. He shuffles his feet to the other side of the store and settles on a hard wooden bench. He looks tired but relieved to be sitting. I see a slow breath leave his chest as his head looks down to the floor.

The coupon woman noticed that he left and apologetically pleaded her case with the cashier and I. She didn't mean to be taking so long, why had he left?...where did he go?...was he angry?...she was embarrassed and even more frazzled. I told her that he had walked to the bench and surely just needed to take a break from standing.

As she walked away the cashier reached to take the mans items off the belt but I asked that she leave them. I would take care of it.

I paid for the grocerys and walked towards the door to the man on the bench. I reached over and handed him his bag and he burst forth with explanation that his legs had grown tired while standing there and he couldn't do it any longer. I nodded that I understood. He then reached for his wallet and tried to pay me. I shook my head no and thanked him for his service. He struggled to pull money out of his pocket but I was already walking through the door and I repeated my thankfulness for his service to our country as I slipped out of the store.

I know it was a small gesture, but I can't tell you how wonderful my heart felt to thank that man for his service to our country and it occured to me that being thankful is not something that we do just to bless others, it is a gift we give to ourselves.

A thankful heart is peaceful.
A thankful heart is not anxious or wanting the best seat at the table.
A thankful heart brings humility and it respects others.
When we are thankful, we esteems others as greater than ourselves and that is a beautiful way to live.

I want to live in that beauty and I want my children to also.

As parents we have the opportunity to train our children to be thankful. The best way we can do this is to live with a thankful heart. Children are smart, they see how we live and they live that way too.

I mentioned a couple practical ways to teach our kids to be thankful when I spoke on Star 105.7 this week on our Real Moms of West Michigan segment, they are:

• Teach them to say thank you. And not just a half-hearted mumbled looking at the ground “thank you.” But we can teach them to look in to the persons eyes and clearly say thank you.

I had to work on this with my 7 yr old because someone would say to her, 'oh you look so pretty' and she would just smile and nod. As if to say- yes I AM darling.

No, I taught her, you need to look them in the eye and say thank you.

• Another thing that is helpful is to ask your kids at bedtime, what are you thankful for today? If they don’t know…teach them the things to be thankful for:

“That we were kept safe every time drove in the car”
“That we are all healthy”
“That we have a warm home to sleep in”

• Also, teach your kids to be thankful
  by giving to others.

I read about a great idea on the Happy Home Fairy blog to teach your kids to be thankful for others…they took individual bags of un-popped microwave popcorn and attached a little sticker/tag to it that said, “we just want to pop in to say we are thankful for you…and then signed their name”
You can hop over to the blog for free printable tags.
Give them to teachers, mailmen, bank teller, coaches and anyone else that touches their life. It helps to get our kids thinking about who they are thankful for.

Thankfulness is not just something to focus on during the holidays but if it opens the door to have the conversation, by all means walk through it. Use this time of year to teach the kids what a heart of thanksgiving looks like.

It will grow them up to be beautiful people.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Moms Need a Time Out

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

Moms, have you had a time out lately?

We need them. Ok, maybe you don't-but I do! A time to get away, recharge, destress and refresh!

I encourage you to grab a girlfriend and have some girl time.
Maybe it's as simple as a pedicure together or a weekend away with the girls.

Of course if you know me, you know that this has practically become my life's mission through the ministry of Praise and Coffee.

I'm constantly encouraging women to get together in small groups over a cup of coffee and share life. It helps us realize that we're not alone in this journey of motherhood and all things related to being a woman.

I spent time this past weekend with 3 other friends in South Haven at a Women's Only Weekend. We had so much fun! Lots of shopping, laughing, wine tasting and chocolate eating.
We even took turns laughing at each other when the other had a hot flash and had to stand in the open doorway of the hotel room so the breeze off the water could cool us down. Ok...maybe we didn't take turns. Maybe that was just me. But at least it was fun to laugh about it with girls that understood!

Tell me, what is your favorite way to unwind with the girls?
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Lighten Up!

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!


Are there any other Moms out there that tends to forget to stop and have fun with her kids?

I've been guilty of this, I can get so caught up in my agenda and plan that I am wound up tighter than a drum.

This weekend I caught myself lecturing Lauren about picking up her toys. Again.

I didn't realize I was lecturing until I saw that look. You know the eyes glaze over and she's looking right through me oblivious to the words spilling out of my mouth.

It happens when I start to channel Charlie Brown's teacher and wah-wah-wah is all she hears.

When I realized what was happening I thought to myself- stop!
This is not working.

Lighten up!

I had a great opportunity later in the afternoon while making cookies.

While my Kithchen Aid mixer was hard at work...
Brief break here to say that Kitchen Aid mixer's are a gift from God.

So it was mixing away and I accidently dropped a whole egg into the batter. Yes, shells and all. Instantly ruining said batter.

Lauren's eyes got big as saucers (which is no small feat for tiny almond shaped eyes) and she braced herself for what could be an explosive response from me.

BUT...I had chosen to lighten up.
So I looked at the mess and....laughed.

I even turned the mixer on higher just see what a mess we could make.

When Lauren realized that I wasn't going to be all upset about it, she cracked up. Pun totally intended.

We both had a good laugh.
Just making the choice to lighten up changed everything.

So Moms, lighten up! It will bless you and your kids.

Proverbs 17:22 says:
"A cheerful heart is good medicine,but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength."

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Parent/Teacher Conferences

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!



Tips for Great Parent Teacher Conferences

It’s hard to believe that it’s that time of year again. Didn’t we just step off the beach 5 minutes ago? Ok maybe not, but here we go, parent/teacher conferences.

While every situation, child, classroom and teacher are different, here are a few tips on making your conferences productive:

1. Prepare ahead of time.
Look at the work your child brings home to gage how they are doing.
Talk to your child on a regular basis about how school is going for them.
I would suggest that you don’t just ask: “How is school going?” because you will get the answer “Fine.”
Instead, ask questions that will enlist more than one word answers.
Such as:
“What subjects do you like best and why?”
“Are you struggling with any of your work?”
“Who is your favorite teacher?” and “What do you like about their class?”
“Who do you hang out with at lunch/recess?” and “Are there any kids that you avoid? And why?”

2. Be ready with the questions you want to ask before going to the conference, write them down if you need to.
Examples:
a. Is my child keeping up with the rest of the class? Do you see any learning disabilities or does my child need to be challenged more in the classroom?
b. What are my child’s strong points?
c. Does my child participate in the classroom?
d. How does my child get along with others?
e. If the child is struggling with bad grades, is there anything they can do for extra credit?

3. Let the conference be a two way conversation, don’t do all the talking, but your input is very important to a good relationship with their teacher.

4. See the teacher as a partner in our child’s learning. I haven’t always been thrilled with my child’s teacher or their teaching style but unless the situation is beyond repair, it is best to try and work things out.

5. Thank the teacher and ask for his/her suggestions on what you can do at home to help your child with his/her schoolwork.

6. Pray for their teacher and your student. Lauren and I pray together each day on the way to school.

We’ve had up and down moments through the school years.
My kids didn’t always give school their best effort but it helped when we stayed engaged in what they were doing and kept accountability by asking them about their assignments and stopping in to the classroom to check in with the teacher.

Conferences with the teacher also helped keep me on my toes because face it, we’re moms, we have a million things needing our attention. A good partnership with our child’s teacher can be a great thing for us real moms!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Sibling Rivalry

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!



Today I thought we’d talk about sibling rivalry, it’s just a fact of life when we have more than one child.

The other day I watched a desperate mom in Target try to calm her squabbling children and it reminded me of when I felt like a referee in my own home.

Constant picking on one another, teasing each other until someone erupted and things got noisy.

Unfortunately I can’t say…when they reach the magical age of _____ it all stops.
I don’t think we’ll ever eliminate it altogether, but there are a few things that Moms can do to keep from pulling our hair out.

• Try not to get involved unless there’s a danger that someone’s going to get hurt. Let them work it out. If you constantly step in you could send a message to the kids that they don’t need to resolve it, MOM will.

• Separate the kids until they are calm- I remember a time in the grocery store when I put one child on one side of the cart and the other on the other.

• Help your kids to understand that everything is not always “fair” or “equal”

• Use some of the arguments as an opportunity to teach your kids about saying ‘I’m sorry’ and forgiving one another. Help them resolve things without “making” them resolve it.

• Have clear boundaries with each other’s toys and possessions.

• If they constantly squabble about the same thing (video games or tv) post a schedule.

• Have fun together as a family. Give your kids opportunities to get along with each other in fun situations. (Example, going to Gull Meadow’s farm with the kids, sledding in the winter, etc.)

And sometimes kids need that assurance that their place in the home is safe and extremely important. Like that little boy on Cheaper by the Dozen who felt that he “didn’t fit” in the family, our kids need us to assure them of how important they are to the family and that they fill a place no one else could fill.

And know that sibling rivalry is a normal part of childhood and growth. If your kids are fighting, it doesn’t make you a bad mom …it just makes you a REAL mom!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook

@TommyAndBrook on Twitter