This Friday Mark and I celebrate 21 years of marriage. I know, I know- I look way too young for that *blush* but it's true :)
Just like any other family, we've been through some wonderful times and some very painful times. But Mark and I have always been of the mindset that we are in this marriage for the long haul, for the rest of our lives. We committed to never use the word "divorce" no matter how angry or frustrated we were, it was never an option.
I was thinking about how our committment to this marriage and our family has impacted those around us. I believe that it has made a world of difference in many other lives, not the least of these is our children.
I want to ask you a few tough questions (sorry- I like getting my toes stepped on, it spurs me on to change- I hope you enjoy it too).
* How has your marriage (good or bad) affected those around you?
* How would others describe your marriage?
* How would your children describe your marriage?
* How would your children explain "what a Godly wife is" by your example?
These questions challenge me too!
If you are not happy with the answers you thought of, what do you need to do to change those things?
Then let's do it!
Let's open God's Word and see what HE says about marriage. Pick up a book on marriage, apply yourself to learn. Go back and re-read the "Two shall become One" posts.
It's not too late. If you feel guilty, go to the Lord- He promised to be faithful to forgive us. That's the business He's in! He forgives and restores.
I believe that the people in our lives are greatly influenced one way or another by our example of marriage. I want to make sure that influence is a positive one.
It's not always easy- but it's worth it.
Look into the eyes of your children...it's worth it.
I'm praying for our marriages,
19 comments:
Happy Anniversary!
I agree that marriage is 'forever'...especially if you have children. (I am not talking about abusive relationships...but then again, didn't they know the person was abusive before they got married and had children? sigh...)
It seems today that it is 'ok' for people to get married, have kids and then look at their spouse and say, "I'm not 'in love' with you anymore, let's call it quits." What is up with that???
I not even very spiritual/religious and I feel this way...it's just so sad for the children. This world is rough enough, our kids need a stable home.
Marriage is alot of work but so worth it. We have been married for 17 years and I know it sounds cliche, but we love each other more today than when we first met. It is a growing love, it's not static. When you nurture your relationship, it just gets better and better.
Great post!
Bella
Thank you!
Yes, let me also mention- if you are in a physically abusive relationship, get yourself and your children to a safe place.
My pastor has been teaching on blood covenant and early on in this series, he reminded us that marriage is a covenant. Covenant partners work it out. There is no other option. Covenant is about giving and being a blessing to the covenant partner. Covenant partners do not take advantage of each other.
As Christians, we are in covenant with God and he never fails to bless us or give a promise when we invite him to show up.
Thanks for posting the hard questions.
I haven't visited "Two shall become One" in a long time. I enjoyed your post today. Great questions. I have been married 32 years. I was only 16. It has been tough but God is with me and has blessed me with a wonderful husband. Happy Anniversary to you. Thanks again.
Hi! I stumbled upon your blog this morning and just wanted you to know that I love this post! Those are some awesome questions! I have never really thought about it like that before! I am gonna write them down in my journal - such good reminders!
Thanks so much for the insight! Have a GREAT day :)
Blessings,
Kate :)
Great post. I'm so thankful to have married my High School Sweetheart... neither of us could imagine it any other way. However, I do think it's easy to forget the role as wives we play and should play. Great reminder today! Thanks
This is always a difficult blog for me (although getting better).
I was always the "in it for the long haul" spouse as well as the never say the "d word" partner.
But you know saying the "d-word" and challenging the "long haul" may have saved our marriage.
Let me quickly add that I did not want to go this direction, but it was necessary to wake the sleeping giant called my husband. I left the "options" to him. Did he want "us" or not? (Which, he took time to think about and it hurt.) And if he did want us, what was he willing to do to show us he did?
The kids were hurting, I was hurting.
So far so good. He has plugged into us for the most part and is becoming more affectionate toward me again.
So, God is turning us into the "in it for the haul", "d-word not an option" couple that may become a source for couples after God does His work in us! Praise Him!
Happy Anniversary! You are so right about our marriage affecting our children. Looking back at my parents, I wish that they had set a better example for us. Not that they had a bad marriage, but there was never any sense of it being biblical although they were both Christians.
I hope that as my children get older, that we will not only show by example but to not be afraid to have frank conversations about marriage and what is expected of us. It will make their own marriages better and they will begin to show fruit earlier than we did.
Great post!
Xandra
We have watched so many of our friends drift apart and divorce...it is so sad. Great post!
Great post!
I celebrate your marriage of 21 years.
These are great questions to ask.. thanks for that.
Our children reflect way more of us than we would like to think.
Thanks for confronting us with truth.... it sets us free.
Happy Anniversary on Friday! Truly - you don't look old enough to be married 21 years!
My parents gave us a beautiful example of a Godly marriage, and we pray to pass that along to our children. I'm always reading something on marriage...
The BEST book I have ever read on being a Godly wife is "Created to Be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. Truly revolutionary in looking at adapting ourselves to our husbands, and in turn, being able to receive their love in the way they give it. The Lord has used this book to restore many marriages. When I feel "out of sync. with my husband, the Lord will often return me to that book for a good "kick in the pants". :-)
I love that book too, did several weeks on study on Tuesdays with it! :)
A fellow long married lady here (who looks too young too, right?)...we have also always realized we are together forever...til death do us part. This changes EVERYTHING in how we relate to each other! No backing out so we may as well MAKE it WORK! And it is so important to our children to know they are safe and secure in our home and mom and dad will always be together.
Blessings,
Melissa
Sue: What a blessing to "meet" you this week! And congrats on 21 years! My DH and I celebrated 18 years in September.
He was a widower when we met ... And we have had some extremely difficult times. However, through it all we made our focus the LORD.
This became especially essential during the five months we lived separate last year. He came home Thanksgiving Eve. ♥
We found our strength and guidance through our personal relationships with God. Surrendering our wills and "dying" to our demands ... To be alive in Christ (Galatians 2:20-21).
Thank you for a thought-provoking article ... Blessings to you, and prayers for a strong and Christ-centered union with your husband.
I've read so many books, but not this one mentioned. What's another good book! ;-)
I like to Title.
"Created to Be His Helpmeet"
Yeah, I like that.
Holly,
If you haven't read it- I highly recommend it.
You can also visit their website:
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/
It has many great articles.
Blessings,
Sue
Excellent post my friend, so true!!!
And happy anniversary too!
Happy Anniversary! Larry and I celebrated 16 years on the same day! We came close to not making it another year. I am so appreciative to you and Mark for the time counseling and to the Lord for an amazing work done in my marriage! He is good!!
Lorraine, thank you so much for the sweet words. I'm am so glad you and Larry are celebrating your marriage and not mourning it's loss.
The Lord is soooo good!!
Love,
Sue
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