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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Two shall become One ~ Resolving Conflict


If you are married, surely you face conflict on a regular basis. Daily we are given opportunity for arguments and strife. I put together a list of things to consider before your conflict grows to the point of no return.

1. Avoid the words "you" and use "I" instead.
When we point the finger at someone it immediately makes them feel accused and they will automatically respond defensively.

2. Don't use the words "always" and "never" while having a heated discussion with your spouse.
Chances are, it won't be a truthful statement, and it will bring a sense of hopelessness to the situation.

3. Think before you speak!
Sounds simple, but it is so easy to blurt out a statement without thinking through the possible reprocussions of it. Boy do I know this one!

4. Apply this verse during a disagreement:
Prov 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.

It is amazing how just softening your tone can change the atmosphere in a room.
Think about it like a can either pour gasoline on it or water. A gentle answer is like pouring water on a fire. A harsh response is like gasoline.

5. One of my favorite sayings, look in the mirror first.
What do I need to change? How have I escalated this situation? What can I do differently?

6. Deal with bitterness and unforgiveness.
Many times the argument at hand is just a symptom of a deeper issue that is unresolved. Sometimes we hold on to things for years and never deal with the hurt and anger than lie beneath.
Get alone and pray about it. Ask the Lord to heal your broken heart.
Forgiveness with most likely be involved in this process.

Here is an article I wrote about my story of a broken heart:
Bring God Your Broken Heart

7. Empathy.
Put yourself in your spouses shoes and try to see things from their perspective- especially considering their personality type...etc.

8. If you can't resolve things, please talk to someone who will give you Godly advice.

This is a short list, so feel free to add more in the comments!

I am praying for our marriages,

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Kim said...

I appreciate this post very much. As a married woman of 9 years, I can vouch that these principles are very important in keeping a marriage vibrant and healthy. Your posts are so insightful and practical. Thanks for caring so much about people to post things like this.

Anonymous said...

Great tips, but I think this was the best... "Don't use the words "always" and "never" while having a heated discussion with your spouse."
THANKS for reminding me of this!

Sonya Lee Thompson said...

Hi Sue,

I'm coming over from Mel's blog. Congrats on the blog award! I can see why you received it. This is a very important post. Relationships can be so difficutl!

The only thing I'd add is to consider what each of your love languages are, and try to meet the other's need for love.

For example, I'm quality time, but my hubby is personal touch and closeness. If we spend time talking over dinner (fulfilling my love language need) I'll be sure to just sit and snuggle during a movie to satisfy his need for touch and closeness. :)

Loved this site, hope to be back to read some more.

concerned parent said...

Wise words indeed.

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