When Moms Should Say Yes

Hello Moms! 

 I’ve talked before about encouraging moms to say NO to the things that keep us too busy and away from the family but today I want to encourage moms to say yes. Turns out that our kids respond better in what is considered a positive atmosphere. Who knew?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about giving in to every whim at the grocery store or all the treats their little heart’s desire because our kids can ask us what seems like a million questions in a day. I’m referring to those times when a “yes” is possible, just not always convenient for us.

It can be so easy to fall into a groove of continually saying NO. We’re busy we’re running around and it’s hard to say yes when we’re on a mission, it’s inconvenient, but…we could probably say yes a little more than we do.

I have the habit of saying no to messy things…play dough, Legos, painting or friends over after school…..sleepovers…you know, the things that get in the way of MY day. It’s also a challenge for me to say yes to stopping what I’m doing to play a board game or the Wii.

And then I read things like this from Mr. Fred Rogers:

In the book The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember, Fred Rogers wrote that, "I hope you're proud of yourself for the times you've said yes, when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly only helpful to someone else."

Ok, so REAL moms…every time we consider saying “no,” let’s stop and ask ourselves a simple question: Can I give my child a “yes” instead?

Matt 10:16

And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
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Another "Confessions of a Bad Mom" Post

Hey ladies!
I'm over at the Internet Cafe today sharing some stuff about homework, motherhood and my refusal to add 3 plus 4. I'd love it if you dropped by and gave some input!

Confessions of a Mom With Too Much Dander

The REAL Moms Series ~ Raising Strong Willed Kids

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...

WELCOME!

Today I thought we’d give a little bit of encouragement to moms with strong willed children.

Raising strong willed kids can be exhausting!

Strong willed kids are natural born leaders, they like to be a part of the decision making process, so when it's not a major issue I encourage you to give them choices.

When we want them to do something like cleaning their room or doing homework it helps to lay out options for our kids.

Strong willed kids thrive on choices as opposed to direct orders.

Obviously this would not apply to things like playing in traffic. I would not let them have that option. That would make you a bad mom. Not a real mom.

Now that that’s established…*of course I'm teasing*

When we want them to clean their room but they would rather go play outside, we give them a choice; either clean their room and go play outside or sit in a chair, in the house-having no fun.

OR, when we want them to do homework but they would rather play video games, we tell them that they can choose: homework and then video games or if you don’t do your homework there will be no video games and you’ll sit in time out.

I know it's simple and actually a little bit sneaky on our part but we're letting them feel like they have a sense of control over the situation.
It gives them a sense that they are part of the decision which is something that a strong willed child thrives on. They like options. We give them choice A which is what we would like them to choose and then choice B which is whatever we decide would be NO FUN for them.
Always emphasizing that the choice is theirs.
Bottom line, we’re training them to make wise choices.

It is very important with strong willed children that you stay in your position of authority with them, all children want safe boundaries-even when it seems that want to take over- they really want you to be in charge.

A couple other points:

Don’t fight with your child.
Be consistent.
Be fair.
Set clear boundaries.
Choose your battles wisely.
Let calmer heads prevail.

And most important, let me say that strong willed kids are awesome! They are leaders, they will be mountain movers but we need to help them funnel that drive in the right direction and teaching them to make wise choices will help that happen.

It can be really frustrating at times but it’s so worth it. Stay consistent. You’re a REAL mom, you can do this!

I'd love to hear your input on strong willed kids, any tips you want to share with us?

Listen for more tips about strong willed kids and other Mom topics on the REAL Moms of West Michigan on STAR 105.7!
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

Teaching Our Kids to Be Thankful

Yesterday I stopped into Meijer to grab my Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was pardoned at our house this year, so I picked up ham, potatoes, corn and all the other traditional goodies to make our meal.
With a full cart I wheeled into the fastest lane. Yes, I pretend to live in a parallel universe where the lines are short and fast the week of Thanksgiving.

There were two people in front of me. A frazzled women with an overflowing cart full of groceries and clamoring children was at the register while an older man who had the face and the belly of a Grandpa stood between us. He looked remarkably like Santa Clause but he wore a black World War II baseball-style cap and there were no reindeer in sight.

The woman was a coupon-er. I am not a coupon-er but have the utmost respect for them. Unless they are in front of me in line. Then I have to wait while they finagle argue sort out their coupons with the cashier who is not conviced that they have all the correct sizes for the coupons in hand.

While I wait, I impatiently happily check my phone and catch up on the tweets I've missed. As the minutes tick by I search for anything written by Ann Voskamp because surely that will calm my nerves, quiet my heart and probably bring me to tears in front of God and everyone in Meijer.

But the sweet World War II veteran in front of me obviously doesn't have an iphone or Ann Voskamp's twitter name. He also seems to be shifting back and forth on his legs and his face shows the ache of many years and maybe a war or two.

He quietly slips out of the lane leaving his two items on the belt. He shuffles his feet to the other side of the store and settles on a hard wooden bench. He looks tired but relieved to be sitting. I see a slow breath leave his chest as his head looks down to the floor.

The coupon woman noticed that he left and apologetically pleaded her case with the cashier and I. She didn't mean to be taking so long, why had he left?...where did he go?...was he angry?...she was embarrassed and even more frazzled. I told her that he had walked to the bench and surely just needed to take a break from standing.

As she walked away the cashier reached to take the mans items off the belt but I asked that she leave them. I would take care of it.

I paid for the grocerys and walked towards the door to the man on the bench. I reached over and handed him his bag and he burst forth with explanation that his legs had grown tired while standing there and he couldn't do it any longer. I nodded that I understood. He then reached for his wallet and tried to pay me. I shook my head no and thanked him for his service. He struggled to pull money out of his pocket but I was already walking through the door and I repeated my thankfulness for his service to our country as I slipped out of the store.

I know it was a small gesture, but I can't tell you how wonderful my heart felt to thank that man for his service to our country and it occured to me that being thankful is not something that we do just to bless others, it is a gift we give to ourselves.

A thankful heart is peaceful.
A thankful heart is not anxious or wanting the best seat at the table.
A thankful heart brings humility and it respects others.
When we are thankful, we esteems others as greater than ourselves and that is a beautiful way to live.

I want to live in that beauty and I want my children to also.

As parents we have the opportunity to train our children to be thankful. The best way we can do this is to live with a thankful heart. Children are smart, they see how we live and they live that way too.

I mentioned a couple practical ways to teach our kids to be thankful when I spoke on Star 105.7 this week on our Real Moms of West Michigan segment, they are:

• Teach them to say thank you. And not just a half-hearted mumbled looking at the ground “thank you.” But we can teach them to look in to the persons eyes and clearly say thank you.

I had to work on this with my 7 yr old because someone would say to her, 'oh you look so pretty' and she would just smile and nod. As if to say- yes I AM darling.

No, I taught her, you need to look them in the eye and say thank you.

• Another thing that is helpful is to ask your kids at bedtime, what are you thankful for today? If they don’t know…teach them the things to be thankful for:

“That we were kept safe every time drove in the car”
“That we are all healthy”
“That we have a warm home to sleep in”

• Also, teach your kids to be thankful
  by giving to others.

I read about a great idea on the Happy Home Fairy blog to teach your kids to be thankful for others…they took individual bags of un-popped microwave popcorn and attached a little sticker/tag to it that said, “we just want to pop in to say we are thankful for you…and then signed their name”
You can hop over to the blog for free printable tags.
Give them to teachers, mailmen, bank teller, coaches and anyone else that touches their life. It helps to get our kids thinking about who they are thankful for.

Thankfulness is not just something to focus on during the holidays but if it opens the door to have the conversation, by all means walk through it. Use this time of year to teach the kids what a heart of thanksgiving looks like.

It will grow them up to be beautiful people.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Moms Need a Time Out

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

Moms, have you had a time out lately?

We need them. Ok, maybe you don't-but I do! A time to get away, recharge, destress and refresh!

I encourage you to grab a girlfriend and have some girl time.
Maybe it's as simple as a pedicure together or a weekend away with the girls.

Of course if you know me, you know that this has practically become my life's mission through the ministry of Praise and Coffee.

I'm constantly encouraging women to get together in small groups over a cup of coffee and share life. It helps us realize that we're not alone in this journey of motherhood and all things related to being a woman.

I spent time this past weekend with 3 other friends in South Haven at a Women's Only Weekend. We had so much fun! Lots of shopping, laughing, wine tasting and chocolate eating.
We even took turns laughing at each other when the other had a hot flash and had to stand in the open doorway of the hotel room so the breeze off the water could cool us down. Ok...maybe we didn't take turns. Maybe that was just me. But at least it was fun to laugh about it with girls that understood!

Tell me, what is your favorite way to unwind with the girls?
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Motherhood

Motherhood is not for the weak.

There's the screaming, crying, sleeplessness and constant emotional roller coasters that women have to deal with.

AND THEN we become a mother.

Now suddenly we're living in a home with one or more other highly irrational individuals.

No one prepared us for this.
They didn't hand out a manual when they set that darling little bundle in our arms and wheeled us out the door of the hospital.

Sure, those women at our baby shower sat there smiling and oohing and cooing about the cute little outfits and bath towels. They had no problem telling us the horrors of labor, but they failed to mention what life with children is really like, or that we would never actually use those silly little bath towels.

They didn't tell us that it's the most frightening, wonderful, terrifying yet glorious experience this side of heaven.

Each season of raising children has joys and trials of it's own.

The euphoria of being a new mom wrapped in the stark reality that we will never-ever enjoy another selfish moment to ourselves.

The joys of toddlers, the adorableness of watching them experience a butterfly while trying to corral them from wobbling into oncoming traffic.

The enthusiasm of pre-schoolers learning to speak in sentences while hushing them before they tell the world that mommy yells at daddy.

The thrill of our school age children playing sports while we sit in the wind and the rain cheering and shivering til we lose our voice.

Then the teens years of figuring out the gentle balance of parent, friend, mentor and confidant. No one prepared me for when that ice-cream smothered smile who wanted an underdog would wish that I didn't walk into school with them.

Suddenly, we blink and they are moving out of our homes and starting new lives. Spreading their wings while we pray that they don't make all the same mistakes we did.

But they will.
And then some.
And it's ok, they need to.
It's how we learned, and they will too.

My children are 23, 21, 19 and 7.
I tease that I've become my own mentor.
Sometimes I think I got another chance to get it right, and then I see how great my kids are doing and think- maybe I didn't get it so wrong.

Raising Lauren is so different from the first three.
My first three were so close together and life was crazy!
But with Lauren, things are much more subdued and I enjoy a lot more one-on-one time with her, which is good because those first 2 years in an orphanage left her filled with internal scars and needing a mommy with time for her.

I am so blessed also to have the opportunity to speak to so many MOPS groups. I love these women and the precious time of life that they are in.
I remember needing encouragement.
Needing someone to say, "you will get through this season, and you will be thankful for it!"

I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Elisa Morgan, founder of MOPS.
She is a little powerhouse. A precious woman with a heart of gold. Check out her latest book, "She Did What She Could."


Thank you Elisa Morgan for starting this amazing ministry and lifting the hearts of young moms everywhere!

Please encourage a mom with young ones today, and call her on your way to the store, chances are she could stand to have you pick something up for her.

To find a MOPS group in your area:
MOPS International

Changing Our Tone Changes Everything

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

This is what we talked about on "The Real Moms of West Michigan" today.
(Don't you just picture me in fuzzy robe and slippers??
Add a cup of coffee and side-show Bob hair and that's pretty much me!)

“Changing Our Tone Changes Everything”

The other day I was scolding Lauren (my 7yr old) for not getting ready fast enough, which is a common occurrence because I tend to be running behind, and suddenly I heard my angry voice barking orders at her and I was horrified by the sound of it.

I thought about the fact that I would never talk to someone else this way.

AND...if I ever heard another person speak in this tone to my child, I would get all kinds of ugly on them!

But here I was, unloading on my child, my precious daughter who I dearly love!

And her response?

To bark right back at me.


Yes. It’s a vicious cycle.

I thought to myself…this is NOT working. I have to change my tone.

I thought of what it says in Proverbs 15:1.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

I needed to deflect my anger.
So I took a deep breath and spoke in my best "nice mom" voice.


Immediately, it changed the atmosphere in the room. She calmed down, we got ready and headed out the door.

Thankfully, the simple act of calming my voice and quieting my tone can change
the atmosphere of our homes!

So, I want to encourage Mom’s today to think about the sound of our voices because our kids respond so much better when we speak to them in calmer tones.

I KNOW this isn’t easy, but it can change everything if we give it a try and WE will feel better about ourselves as Moms too.

I hope you were encouraged by this Real Mom moment!

Much love,
Sue Cramer

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter