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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Marrige is a lot Like Childbirth, Quit yelling and PUSH!


Let's talk childbirth today gals. I've never met a women who didn't love sharing her birthing story. Isn't it a rule for every baby shower that some insensitive woman must share her story of excruciating pain for 58 hours only to then need a c-section....all while this new mommy-to-be faints in the corner at the thought of her precious birth playing out more like a horror movie.

I have 4 children, I birthed three of them and adopted one from China. And just in case you think I skated childbirth on that try a 14-hour flight with a two-year old that barely knows you and doesn't really like you yet. You wonder why adoptions are so expensive, it's because you get an epidural before you fly home!

I've also been a labor coach several times. It all started with volunteering at our local pregnancy center and then when friends would get pregnant, they figured I knew what I was doing so I would come along and help coach them too. It saved a lot of marriages as I calmed the mom during contractions and instructed the husband on the proper moments to step away from a birthing mom and just be quiet.

Pushing is a very important part of the birth. If a women will push effectively, it can really help things along. However, many times-due to the incredible pressure of a large head coming out of your body- women don't push very effectively. A good push involves a deep breath, tucking the chin and pushing as hard as possible. The most important thing about that deep breath is that you need to hold it through the whole push. If you scream, holler, even whistle, it makes the push less effective.

My job at this point (as a coach) is to say, "no noise, use all your energy to push!"

And sure-shooting, if she will hold her breath and push, she'll bring that baby forth much quicker. Oh I know -you all have stories and incidents where you did all the right things and it still took days...I know...but we're talking "in a perfect world" scenarios today. Work with me girls I'm trying to make a point about marriage! You thought I forgot about Two shall become One~ Tuesday, but I'm getting to it.

I've said all that to tell you that sometimes, when we are "pushing" through hard and frustrating times in our marriages, we need to keep quiet...shut our noise!

It always breaks my heart to talk to a woman who loudly complains and rehearses the wounds of her marriage. I'm not talking about in counseling, I'm referring to the constant belittling that flows from the mouth of someone that says they want God to do a work in their marriage.
Sometimes even through a simple prayer request a woman can destroy her husband's reputation.

What do you need "birthed" in your marriage? Criticizing our husband does not help bring forth any good in our marriage.

If you are trying to "push" past the hurts you've experienced in marriage, you might need to be quiet about how much pressure you're feeling.

1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

Without words. Powerful. Instead of telling him all the ways he should change (like I used to do), maybe we should quiet our mouths and busy ourselves to DO what God has called us to do as wives.

Is this hard? YES!
But go back to that birthing mom a minute...I can't make her stop yelling when she needs to push, she has to choose to look at me and follow my instructions. I've had some moms close me out by shutting their eyes and carrying on hysterically, they tend to hyperventilate and end up in worse condition. But if she will look at her coach and do as I instruct, she'll get through it much better.

God is our "coach" ladies! When we are getting to that point of incredible pressure, He is saying,
"look at Me!" Listen to what I'm telling you and I'll get you through this.
No noise! Use all your energy to do what is right, not waste it on useless hollering (complaining and criticizing). Fix your eyes on your coach!

Hebrews 12:2-3
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Push girls, push! You just might birth something beautiful!!

I'm praying for our marriages,


Tamatha said...

Thanks for the reminder...keep my mouth it!:o)

Anonymous said...

Hi! I'm new here. Loved your post. I found out long ago that if I have a problem with my husband that prayer is the best solution. I often pray, "Lord, either change him, change me, or change us both, but make sure that we are in Your will." God has never failed to answer, and a lot of the time, He changes me! I read once that submitting can mean that I mold myself around my husband. I guess even the term "helpmate" lends itself more to me changing than him anyway if I am helping him. And I think too, that the husband being won without a word holds true for saved husbands as well as unsaved. But boy, can that be hard sometimes!

Cheryl Smith said...

This is great imagery and just the words I needed for this day. I actually did use my Lamaze breathing with both childbirths. Even today when things are stressful and tense, I find myself doing the deep, cleansing breaths.

Lately, however, it seems I've forgotten how to breath through the pain. The stresses of life, work, step-parenting and a couple of very strong willed children have had me near the "scream through the panick" stage. Thank you for this very timely reminder.

Incidentally, I was at a women's retreat this weekend and the speaker used that Hebrews verse often during the weekend. Perhaps God is telling me it's time to commit that verse to memory, and to practice.

Blessings my dear friend!

Kela said...

When you mentioned some women that would close their eyes so they don't look at you when you'd try to coach them to stop yelling, my mind immediately went to a child closing their eyes, plugging their ears and making even louder noise and saying, "I can't hear you! I can't hear you! na-na-na-na-nana".

I'd gotten that way in my marriage sometimes, but I finally got the message to calm down in my spirit. I never outwardly "hollered", but inside I was kicking and screaming.

Now I'm calm on the inside to and I know that whatever I bring to God that He'll deal with me first then wherever else its needed. I find in that moment that sometimes its a wrong attitude that I have.

Thank you SUE for this post!!

mholgate said...

Great post, Sue. It's amazing how you can take something that women can relate to and make it into a great analogy.

I am the opposite extreme during child birth, by the way. For all five of my kids I was quiet and when the time came, I just said "I'm ready to push now" as the nurses stared at me in disbelief.

In marriage I am the same way. There are times when I hold my tongue and then, if I feel like it's God's timing, I come to my husband in love and say "I need to talk to you about something."

Thanks for sharing.

Suzanne said...

Amen. A friend just informed me that her husband is filing for divorce. We've been praying together about her situation and she knows other marriages that are being targeted. Thanks for your prayers Sue. They're needed.

Dionna said...

Love your analogy, Sue. Not sure I would have thought of that one - but it works! :)

Cherie Hill said...

Fantastic post Sue...God has used you greatly as His voice on this subject. I've found that waiting on God is always takes diligent patience to take a deep breath and wait on God's direction...but His WAYS are ALWAYS best.
With joy,

Kimberly Michalski said...

Wow - love this blog. I'm following and will venture back when I have more time. :) LOVE "Quit yelling and push"! How true - right?! Blessings~

Lisa (in texas) said...

My believer husband told me years ago that I was not his Holy Spirit - and that God could talk directly to him!

Talk about convicting! It was very helpful in my desire to be a good "help meet" for him.

And I know the AWESOME power of just being quiet and praying! My husband has come to me at times - after the Lord has changed his mind on something - and said, "You've been praying, haven't you?!" :)

I got a great reminder a while back from a couple of ministries - please see my Sept 24 blog post at

Have a wonderful, quiet, praying day! lisa

p.s. it's no coincidence that I just got another email regarding being quiet and listening more! I better take heed!

Unknown said...

Wonderful advice! Been there done that it this is truth! Sometimes you have to just be quiet and let the Lord work!

Unknown said...

I've found that keeping quiet has definitely help both of us.

Love the Decor! said...

Another wonderful blessing filled post
Thank you so much. My prayer is that we not only read and enjoy these messages but that we are changed for the better as we read and apply it to our lives.
Be blessed today!!

Love the Decor! said...

Another wonderful blessing filled post
Thank you so much. My prayer is that we not only read and enjoy these messages but that we are changed for the better as we read and apply it to our lives.
Be blessed today!!

James and Sandra VanderRoest said...

Good words! Great truth!

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