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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Steps to Avoiding Conflict in Marriage

Hello ladies!
Are you enjoying your summer? I hope so! I am having a great one, but wow is it ever busy!
Just got back from a wonderful weekend away with my hubby, we haven't snuck away like that since before Lauren came home from China three years ago...thank you Grandma and Grandpa for taking her for the weekend!

This post was written last year but it is timeless info for us as wives, I pray it blesses you!

Originally posted July 2008...


If you are married, surely you face conflict on a regular basis. Daily we are given opportunity for arguments and strife. I put together a list of things to consider before conflict becomes damaging to your marriage:

1. Avoid the words "you" and use "I" instead.
When we point the finger at someone it immediately makes them feel accused and they will automatically respond defensively.

2. Don't use the words "always" and "never" while having a heated discussion with your spouse.
Chances are, it won't be a truthful statement, and it will bring a sense of hopelessness to the situation.

3. Think before you speak!
Sounds simple, but it is so easy to blurt out a statement without thinking through the possible reprocussions of it. Boy do I know this one!

4. Apply this verse during a disagreement:
Prov 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.

It is amazing how just softening your tone can change the atmosphere in a room.
Think about it like a can either pour gasoline on it or water. A gentle answer is like pouring water on a fire. A harsh response is like gasoline.

5. One of my favorite sayings, look in the mirror first.
What do I need to change? How have I escalated this situation? What can I do differently?

6. Deal with bitterness and unforgiveness.
Many times the argument at hand is just a symptom of a deeper issue that is unresolved. Sometimes we hold on to things for years and never deal with the hurt and anger than lie beneath.
Get alone and pray about it. Ask the Lord to heal your broken heart.
Forgiveness will most likely be involved in this process.

Here is an article I wrote about my story of a broken heart:
Bring God Your Broken Heart

7. Empathy.
Put yourself in your spouses shoes and try to see things from their perspective- especially considering their personality type...etc.

8. If you can't resolve things, please talk to someone who will give you Godly advice.

This is a short list, so feel free to add more in the comments!

I am praying for our marriages,


Fitter After 50 said...

Sometimes I find it helpful to be thankful that I even have a husband. There are some folks out there that would give anything to have someone to have a conflict with or have their husband back to have a conflict with if you know what I mean.

He & Me + 3 said...

These were all great! A few I could definitely work on. I just need to let him know that I appreciate him and all he does...just a little more often.

Praise and Coffee said...

Very good point Oh Sew Good!!

So true He & Me!!!

The Whites said...

ouch! ha reading these reminded me that I do several of them. I definitely see some areas needing improvement. :-) I am soo glad I found your blog. Your posts are such an encouragement and resource for me. Thanks!

Brittney said...

My husband and I have been married for less than a year, and most of our married life we have been apart due to deployment. But we do have yet to have a heated discussion. I find the times when I'm tempted to be irked with him, I realize that he has never once shown disgust or disapproval for anything I have ever done... why should I think I have the right to with him? I love him so much, and my biggest fear is hurting him. Being married for as short-a-time as I have, I have but little advice I am qualified to offer. But in our 11 months of marriage (over 6 of which we have been apart), I have certainly learned one thing: COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE... in soft tones.

Unknown said...

This is a great list. I also am thankful for having a great husband in my life.
I have several single girlfriends who wonder why they haven't married yet. (I'm 47)

Peggy said...

Thanks Sue for these words. I know I have to sometimes leave it up to God

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