so here's some quotes from Steven Wright that make me laugh:
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.