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Click here: Winter 2012

For articles including:
Depression
Starting Over
New Beginnings
Insecurity
Low Self Esteem
Suicide
Escaping the Sex Industry
Grief
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Another "Confessions of a Bad Mom" Post

Hey ladies!
I'm over at the Internet Cafe today sharing some stuff about homework, motherhood and my refusal to add 3 plus 4. I'd love it if you dropped by and gave some input!

Confessions of a Mom With Too Much Dander

What Can Moms Do About Bullying

Maranda had an excellent program this weekend on “Where You Live” about bullying.

I encourage all moms to check out her blog, she has some great insights from parents, kids and professionals.

One of the girls on that show said something so eye opening about the core of the pain these kids feel. Her name was Karleigh and she said: “when you feel worthless, all you want to do is die”

And I thought, THAT is the heart of what these kids are feeling when they are bullied, they feel worthless and de-valued. And I’m not a professional but as a MOM, I can help my child feel worth. I can show them that they have value.
I can validate them by encouraging them, praising them for accomplishments, telling our little girls that they are beautiful.

Our youngest daughter was adopted from China and she was born with a cleft lip and palate and her scar is very obvious and her little nose is flatter and kids say things to her that break her heart. I talked about it in this post: No One Else Looks Like Me

So we continually tell her she’s beautiful and how precious she is to us and to God, and I see that lift her countenance. It really makes a difference.

Our kids need us to fill their tanks.They need to know that they are an important part not only of our family but of the world. That they have a place, and they have a purpose. They are not here by accident.

And on the other side of this, we can talk to our kids about how we are all different and just like we encourage our kids- that the other kids in their school have a purpose too- and teach our kids to be sensitive to the differences in all of us.

It's as simple as:
Love your neighbor as yourself.

Real moms can make a difference when we show our children their value and worth.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

GREAT! The Lid Came Off the Mayo Jar

Hello,
I just got back from a glorious run on this beautiful Michigan day!

Not really...wouldn't you hate me if that was the truth??
The truth is, the weather IS beautiful for Michigan today, 40's and sunny. But the run was tedious and tiring and I wanted nothing more than to stop and drive to McDonalds for a McFlurry.
The glorious part is that it's done. Amen.

I don't usually write on the weekends but Lauren did something today that I wanted to tell you about.

First let me warn you, there is nothing spiritual or redeeming about this. It's kind of ugly and nothing like the beautiful things that Ann Voskamp writes on the weekend.

Lauren (7yo) opened the fridge, started rifling through it and grumbled in disgust, "Don't we have any cupcakes?! Where are the chips?! GREAT! the lid came off the mayonaise jar!"

Now, it should be noted that I don't think we've had cupcakes in this house in a month and I never keep them in the fridge. Apparently she wanted the chips because she spotted french onion dip and I have no idea why she feels the need to take on responsibility for the mayonaise container.

If she was 10 years older I would assume we were dealing with PMS but evidently we're just dealing with an ornery seven year old who needed some time on her quad, thankfully she got that.

Now you should probable head over to Ann's website because she does sweet things on the weekends that make you feel happy about life, not me, I've had my nose buried in the book "Bossy Pants" by Tina Fey all weekend and I'm feeling a bit snarky.

Creative Way to Apologize

Hello! Happy Friday!

After yesterday's post, I thought something a little more light hearted would be good. But let me just say, wow. Not only was that the most traffic my little blog has ever seen, but I was overwhelmed with email and messages after that post, many of which brought me to tears. I said a prayer for each of you, and I plan to write more about abuse in the future.

Late yesterday afternoon I jumped in the shower to get ready for these sweet ladies who were coming over.

They are planning to start their own Praise and Coffee Nights here in West Michigan. We had so much fun!

But as I stepped out of the shower, this letter was slid under the bathroom door, along with a marker that clearly took some time to jam under the door.

It said:
Dear Mom and Dad I em sry I was men to you do you frg m yess or no srk wun

Translation:
Dear Mom and Dad, I am sorry I was mean to you, do you forgive me? yes or no, circle one

She waited impatiently outside the door with constant requests that I "circle one."

I opened the door and asked what she was talking about. When was she mean to us?
Evidently she felt that she was mean to us the night before when she had a bad attitude. I had forgotten all about it, hello-just another day with a 7 yr old.

It's so funny sometime what their little hearts hold on to.

Of course I wrapped my arms around her and gave her lots of love but that wasn't enough, I had to "circle one." And she wanted me to go back in the bathroom and slide it back under to the door to her.

I obliged.

So, next time you blow it and need to apologize to someone I suggest you write a little note, feel free to use Lauren's words, and slide it under the door when they are showering. It is hard to stay mad at someone who spends 10 minutes jamming a marker under the door.

The Effects of Abuse

If you have been abused, I’m so sorry. I wish I could wrap my arms around you. I would whisper in your ear …“the abuse does NOT define you…you have worth…you are precious to God…He loves you.”


I’ve been there.

I was molested as a child.

No, I don’t talk about it much. Only when I feel a prodding sense that someone might need to hear it.

A “friend” of the family took a child whose self-esteem was already dangling by a thread and violently tore it away.

Abusers don’t consider the pain they cause. They are selfish.

They don’t care that they leave a crumpled little girl struggling to understand. Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Where are my protectors?

Can you relate? Maybe your abuse came in a different form. Maybe it was actual bruises that peppered your fragile frame, or maybe the bruises hid quietly behind a shy smile that you painted on when someone started to see the angst in your eyes.

My scars were not visible but I saw them every day. Like a scab that I unconsciously picked at until it bled and I could no longer deny its reality.

Chosen last for the kick ball game at recess. The boys teased me about my crooked teeth. The teacher overlooked me despite furiously waving my hand when I knew the answer.

They all seem like innocent actions, but I knew. I knew it was because I was not important. I belong in the background. I was used. I was only beneficial to appease a demented man’s needs.

It wasn’t until many years later that I learned how distorted my thinking had become.

My heart is heavy for those who through abuse or neglect now turn to horrible self-destructive behaviors such as cutting, substance abuse, bulimia etc. Please if that is you, seek Christian counsel. Sit down with someone who will pray with you and help bring healing, comfort and hope to you.

God knows you and loves you and I am praying for any victims who read this. You were made for a purpose, to KNOW your creator as Father, friend and Savior. You were not made for the abuse you’ve suffered. It does not define you. You are beautiful, you have worth, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear from you.

REAL Moms, Give Yourself a Break

It was the end of an exhausting day and then it was bedtime. If you read my previous post, you know that it can be tiring and this night was no different. I tucked Lauren in, said our prayers and as I stepped over her threshold it begins. It is literally as my foot crosses over to bolt down the steps, she hollers; “MOM! Don’t forget to turn the hall light on.”

Light goes on, I take another step; “MOM! I’m thirsty!” (Does your child immediately become parched the minute their little head hits the pillow? Desert parched…as if we’ve been withholding liquids since breakfast.)

And it continues from there, with the initial siren each time being the word, Maaaaaaaa-OM!

By the time I make it all the way down the stairs I pretty much look this:

I was worn out and I thought, I wonder how many other moms are feeling just like I do right now? Like a worthless mess. So I tweeted something like this:

@praiseandcoffee “I just want to give all the moms out there a high five right now because you are probably too hard on yourself.”

I was shocked at all the feedback, I had struck a nerve. Women were thanking me and saying that they have been beating up on themselves about not being a good enough Mom.

For some reason we tend to put unreal expectations on ourselves and when we fall short or I prefer to say “when we are REAL moms,” we beat ourselves up. We blame ourselves for situations that are out of our hands and we struggle to fix things in our kid’s life that we don’t have the power to fix.

We’re Moms, not magicians.

And then sometimes we DO just blow it. It IS our fault. But that’s why I constantly fall back on the incredible grace of God- who gave me these children in the first place.

I cling to this verse daily, because I need it new every day!

The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. Lam. 3:22-23

Today I want to give the Moms in West Michigan and all who read this, a high five and tell you to stop beating yourself up.

You are doing a great job! You may be over-worked and under-appreciated, but, what you are doing really matters.Moms, you make a difference, a huge difference. No one can love your children like you.

God gave you these little darlings so don’t ever be afraid to call on Him to help you raise them.

I'm on the "Real Moms of West Michigan" which airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
STAR 105.7
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter