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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Suicide is Painful

I went back through this past year of "Two shall become One ~ Tuesday" posts and found that this one brought a lot of response from you. Given the subject matter I think it applies to a lot of people and I thought I'd re-post it today.

Originally posted March 10, 2009


This past week I sat with a girl friend who was reeling with pain. Her life had been turned upside down by the actions of her father. She explained how he suffered from depression this past year after losing everything he'd worked so hard for through this struggling economy. The thoughts of living his twilight years in despair instead of comfort were too overwhelming and shameful for him. Instead he chose a bullet to end his life while his bride of many years slept in the next room.

My heart just breaks for the pain he must have felt, and the incredible grief that suicide leaves for the family that lives. I'm so sorry for their pain. I've never seen my friend's countenance so heavy.

When the family talked to the officers, they said that unfortunately this was a common call of recent days. They've been seeing more and more cases among men since the increase in job loss and the decline in the economy.

Men are wired to be the provider. Their identity is wrapped around their job and how well they provide for the family. When a job is lost and things start to unravel, men feel like a failure. Often when they fail to provide, they feel they've failed as a man altogether.

Wives play an important role in this. We need to encourage our husbands and believe in them and their ability to provide as we struggle through changes in employment together.
They need to know that their wife still respects them and that she will stick by him no matter what.

You might think, husband is a Christian...he should know that his job is not his identity- he is a child of God...
Ok, but he's also human, and God did set it in his heart to be the provider, it's instinctive for him.
We need to be especially vigilant to watch over our husband's heart and emotions.
Encourage, encourage, encourage!

1 Thess 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Heb 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

According to Sampson Blair, Ph.D., associate professor of sociology at the University of Buffalo:

Living through a tough economy not only increases the risk of suicide, but other family dysfunction as well, including family violence, substance abuse and childhood neglect. According to Blair, "The economic situation also portends a significant increase in other forms of family violence, including spousal and child abuse, child neglect and other forms of dysfunctional behavior like substance abuse."

Dr. Blair says suicide rates are likely to increase two to three-fold because of the economic depression. Job loss, combined with loss of savings, and other family responsibilities are identifiable risks for suicide, and murder-suicide, and economic stresses can take its toll on other aspects of health.

Blair says, "Financial stressors are among the greatest risk factors for emotional disturbance and such physiological reactions as insomnia and high blood pressure."
We can change this for our family! We can help by de-stressing the home. That will mean different things for every individual home.

As wives, we start by de-stressing ourselves and that will happen through prayer and trusting God's Word in our lives. God is ultimately your provider. Look to Him in your time of need and let your husband see the peace that you walk in...that will be huge to him!

Set your heart on this passage, let is become hope for you so you can walk in peace:

Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

As your heart is filled with peace, let them pour out onto your husband and family. The Lord admonishes us to respect our husbands:
Eph 5:31-33
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

They need it now more than ever ladies! Use your influence to encourage other women to understand this also...we can make a difference in our families.

Let your husband know that he is worth more than just a paycheck.

I must add that ultimately we cannot control people's emotions. We must do everything we can to encourage, but we are all personally responsible for our own actions and we cannot blame another person if a loved one takes their life. If this tragedy has happened in your family, I am so very sorry and pray that the Lord brings comfort and hope to your home.

I'm praying for our marriages,


Fitter After 50 said...

Excellent post!

Rose said...

This subject is such a painful one in a myriad of ways. Being unsure of one's future is always scary, even for Christians.
I don't know how your friend felt and still feels but I can certainly empathize. My 29 year old step-daughter killed herself rather than face the future without her fiancee who had just broken up with her.
I would love to say I understand, but I don't feeling their is no hope at all.
My husband and I are facing a less than bright future because of the economy and we are in our early 60's. Amazingly, God has provided for us each time we thought we were going to do without, we were blessed by God.
Things are finally improving after a year of struggle. It wasn't easy but we made it.
Sorry I didn't mean to "blog" a comment. You are right about lifting up each other, encouraging the husband.
Satan has been attacking the home since the garden. Pray, pray, pray and then pray some more!
Much needed post for today. Thank you!

Michelle said...

I work one day a week out of the home, and we had a suicide prevention inservice there once. Did you know that March has the highest suicide rate? Why? Because people that are depressed into the holidays see that others that are also depressed during the holidays start coming out of it when spring hits, usually in March. The people that are most at risk to commit suicide in March are those that still feel the same way even though others around them are feeling better and brighter. Last year a 5th grade teacher here committed suicide in March. He never showed up to teach one monday. I can't imagine what his students thought. So sad. The other thing I learned at the inservice was if someone you know mentions suicide you need to ask them if they have a plan. This way you can get them some help. This is a very important topic, and one that many people aren't aware of, and don't know how to respond to.

Unknown said...

It's to see people resort to suicide as a way to escape their pain but I do understand the pain. It's horrible.
Thank you for re-posting your insight to this very important topic.

Anonymous said...

Suicide is very painful for the people left behind. My 27 year old son shot himself 4 years ago in November over a woman who left him. He has a son who is now 11 1/2 that doesn't understand why he had to lose his dad. It has been hard for the whole family except for the woman that was the cause.

Praise and Coffee said...

Rose, Oh my heart goes out to you, I can't imagine. You've had a rough time but I'm so glad to hear you praising God.
It is amazing how our priorities can be brought back into order when we face a trial like that. We appreciate the little things- that really are not little at all!

Thank you for sharing!!!

I did not know that about March...very interesting. Thank you so much for your input!

Praise and Coffee said...

I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine losing a child, but to lose one to suicide must be devastating.
My heart and prayers go out to you.
I pray you find the comfort that only God can give.

Lisa said...

Thank you for posting about this, sometimes in life we get so busy with "life" that we forget the simple things, the words of encouragment, and building up. I pray that we never feel the cold arms of that kind of dispair. Thank you Jesus for everything you do and who you are and your unending love for me!

Unknown said...

Job loss...Been there. Done that. Yep, still 'there'. My heart goes out to those still getting pinked and for the pain it causes.

For me, losing my job was one of those defining moments in life. I knew I had a choice: I could choose to lose my way (my mind) or rise to the challenge and follow what my Spirit tells me to do, always remembering that I am more than a statistic on the news.

I'll share with you what He told me the day I got "set free" (laid off) from my job: "This is a new chapter in your life. WRITE ONE HELL OF A CHAPTER!" And I did just that!

So if you just need a break from the doom and gloom or want to help encourage someone in your life, let me send you the link to a FREE cover-to-cover book strings attached, really! (I know, hard to believe these days :-)

Sign up here: noexpertsneeded dot com

Yes, times are tough, but it doesn't mean that we can't still give back to one another. Sharing my story with you is simply my way...

take care,
Louise Lewis, author
No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You!

Brittney said...

Oh this is soooo true! Thanks for sharing. I've observed in my own husband how important it is for him to be able to be a provider for us. I've learned that above all, he needs and deserves my support.

Your blog is always so encouraging!

Unknown said...

After my suicidal attempt in April and being committed I now know how serious my depression really is.
I also know that the triggers that lead me towards this decision and my lack of faith overwhelmed me.
I now am working hard to regain the trust I once had from our teenage son and my husband.
But most importantly myself. Because I never thought I was capable of making the decision to end my life.

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