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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Abandoned But Not Forgotten


Lauren loves other little Asian girls. She is drawn to them as if some imaginery cord ties the daughters of China. She immediately points them out in public and tries to find a way, clumsy at times, to connect with them.

I wish I knew how much of her first 2 years living in an orphange she remembers. She loves to read her books about adoption and drinks it in when I tell her how we flew on a big airplane to bring her home. Her books tell of little girls living together with their nannies waiting for their Mommies to come for them. She beams when we turn the page to Mommy holding her new little girl.

She is often upset to see a child on tv standing alone or crying for any reason. She asks, 'where is their Mommy?' and won't let up until I explain exactly where Mommy is and that she will be there to take care of her baby.

I felt so bad recently when I walked out of the room while she was watching the movie "Homeward Bound." I completely forgot about the part where the little girl is lost and alone in the woods. I came back into the room to check on her and she was about to burst. Her little face was beat red and she was crying so deeply that her body was quaking but the sound had not made it out of her mouth. I grabbed her in my arms and she started to wail, she was inconsolable. I felt awful and of course I burst into tears right along with her.

It's times like that I wonder what fears still haunt that little mind. Did she know while she cried in her crib those 2 years, that the ache in her heart was for the comfort of a mother? Did she see others leave as their Mommies and Daddies came and wish she could leave also? I'll never know.

However I do know that God intended for this little girl to be redeemed from the steps of a Buddhist Temple that she was abandoned on. He planned from the foundations of the earth that she would be brought into our family and loved as one of our own. She may have been abandoned, but she was never forgotten.

Neither are you.

19 comments:

Jennifer said...

Wow! That was hard to read. After visiting orphanages in Haiti and holding children who rarely get held my heart just breaks. We also have many families in our church that have adopted children from other countries and I often wonder what the kids remember.
Hug your baby for me. You are a wonderful mother.
Hugs!

Ronel Sidney said...

Wow, that was hard to read as a mom.

SharonB said...

This brought tears to my eyes. For very different reasons I know that ache inside that longs for a mother. Your precious little girl is blessed with you as a mother as I am sure you are blessed by her.

It's been a difficult day and I needed this reminder.

Joan said...

Even for us big girls.... My mom's passing has left a whole in my heart. I can only imagine the effect of that on a small child.

Your daughter is blessed to have you as her mother and that God had a plan to fill the whole in her heart with you.

Blessings

Denise Dykstra said...

I was teary eyed reading that. I don't like the thought of Lauren not having you.....I hadn't thought of that much before.

I am thankful you wrote it though.

Give Lauren extra hugs from us! And Eli thinks her dress is very pretty.....

Toni said...

No words. Just the heart of an adoptive mother who connects with what you're saying.
Blessings,
~Toni~

km said...

Years ago...when I was in college an one a trip to China...I spent a day feeding babies in an orphanage. A Chinese friend of mine volunteered there...and she brought us with to help for a day. Something American tourist aparently 'NEVER' do. We sure got a lot of stares for wanting just to help...just to share love. That day FOREVER changed my life. Bless You for redeeming that little one!

Oh Sew Good said...

She is such a cutie. (((hugs))) to you too though. What an experience (I'm not quite awake and can't seem to think of the right word here.) for you both to go through.

Praise and Coffee said...

Thank you all, and KM, thank you so much for hugging the babies...

A Stone Gatherer said...

Oh Sue my heart just breaks for her too! Praise be to God that before the beginning of time He had her dad and mom all picked out in you!

Lisa said...

I had chills reading that.

Greetings from Guatemala said...

Wow, what a wonderful post!

keri wyatt kent said...

What a beautiful post, Sue. Your little girl is so blessed to be in your family. We can't always protect our children from ever feeling scared or sad, but we can always comfort them when they do feel that way. And that's what matters. You can't protect your child from ever experiencing any pain, but you can be with them in those struggles. Just as God is with us.

Cristi said...

Sweet Post!

SunnySusan said...

That was a wonderful story. Our daughter is adopted also...we took her home right from the hospital...she has been such a blessing in our family.
Bless you both...

Matt Cramer said...

Ugh Mom that's soo sad. I don't even watch homeward bound alone what were you thinking? What's next let her watch Bambi alone? haha Love you mom. Take some pictures of Lauren and my puppies for me please :)

Mary B said...

As a birthmom I often wonder what my son thinks about.
Lauren certainly is blessed to have you as her mother.
Thanks for sharing :)

Peter Stone said...

What a heart breaking post, seeing the pain these little ones endure is almost unbearable. Thanks for sharing this, and especially for the rays of the hope at the end.

David and Kelli said...

I just read a book called "Love Me, Never Leave Me" by Marilyn Mehberg (sp?)... it focuses on abandonment and issues related to abandoment that we all have, including adoptees. It's a quick read and one you might like! There are some pages I'm not too sure about, but the majority is very good.

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