What Do I Know of Holy?

Loving this today...

Tired of Bickering??

Orignally posted July 8, 2008.

If you are married, surely you face conflict on a regular basis. Daily we are given opportunity for arguments and strife. I put together a list of things to consider before your conflict grows to the point of no return.

1. Avoid the words "you" and use "I" instead.
When we point the finger at someone it immediately makes them feel accused and they will automatically respond defensively.

2. Don't use the words "always" and "never" while having a heated discussion with your spouse.
Chances are, it won't be a truthful statement, and it will bring a sense of hopelessness to the situation.

3. Think before you speak!
Sounds simple, but it is so easy to blurt out a statement without thinking through the possible reprocussions of it. Boy do I know this one!

4. Apply this verse during a disagreement:
Prov 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.
NIV

It is amazing how just softening your tone can change the atmosphere in a room.
Think about it like a fire...you can either pour gasoline on it or water. A gentle answer is like pouring water on a fire. A harsh response is like gasoline.

5. One of my favorite sayings, look in the mirror first.
What do I need to change? How have I escalated this situation? What can I do differently?

6. Deal with bitterness and unforgiveness.
Many times the argument at hand is just a symptom of a deeper issue that is unresolved. Sometimes we hold on to things for years and never deal with the hurt and anger than lie beneath.
Get alone and pray about it. Ask the Lord to heal your broken heart.
Forgiveness with most likely be involved in this process.

Here is an article I wrote about my story of a broken heart:
Bring God Your Broken Heart

7. Empathy.
Put yourself in your spouses shoes and try to see things from their perspective- especially considering their personality type...etc.

8. If you can't resolve things, please talk to someone who will give you Godly advice.

This is a short list, so feel free to add more in the comments!

I am praying for our marriages,
Sue

Coupons Clippers Unite!

Guest post by Denise:

In Honor of R.C.

This article today is in honor of my very dear friend, R.C. She is the coupon clipper of all coupon clippers. She finds deals I didn’t know were findable. Do you have a friend like this? R.C. could outdo them! She is quiet and sane and has a lovely personality but don’t mess with her coupons. Recently, she went shopping for her super great deals of the week and in the process of getting her goodies, her son, her purse (girls, you know how it goes when we go out) she left her coupon book behind.

She was lost and devastated.

She had spent hours clipping and sorting and finding the best deals and had just forgotten the whole manifest behind in a small, squeaky cart. She called the store repeatedly but no one ever turned them in.

I felt so bad for her. I am always amazed at her grocery shopping victories. I go to the store when I must, for the shortest time possible and load up on anything I may need for the next month so I don’t have to go again. She ENJOYS shopping. She gets way more out of it and her family eats good fresh fruit out of season and mine eats whatever is quickly worth cooking from the deep freezer – or cookies. We eat a lot of home made cookies here. But when asparagus season starts, we eat asparagus every single day - no exaggeration – from our field. I think that makes up for home made cookies every day! J

So, I was thinking of her today and her lost coupons and how I had to go to the store and thought, maybe, I should actually look at the flyer she told me to this week because of the great deals. I looked, I clipped a few coupons – just a few – went to the store and I had to admit, it was a lot more fun. We ate fresh fruit for dinner, fruit on sale, no less. It’s amazing what a little planning can do.

Like, when I am getting ready to go to Bible study. Some girls at church started a new Bible study I am now attending. If I sit down, actually do my study, read the scripture, answer the questions, and think on the questions a few days BEFORE I go I get so much more out of the study. However, I usually read it hurriedly as I am getting dinner on the table so I can clear the dinner, make it to the study, get a little out of it and repeat for next week…not a lot unlike my grocery shopping. I get what I need to get by, but not anything to savor and enjoy.

I always say that I would be all about making out a list of groceries someone would deliver to my door. Easy, simple, no travel or long lines. But R.C. encourages me to go for the gusto, the satisfaction is more. Like the difference of checking Bible study off the list rather than actually studying and growing in Bible study.

I imagine that the more I put to practice these skills the more likely I would be to miss them if I lost them, if I shoved them to the side. I imagine I would feel lost and devastated, like R.C. when she lost her coupon manifesto.

And just like life is so much better around our home if the food is ready on the table when my husband gets home, the boys lunches are packed and ready to go with fun treats and good nutrition it makes our family life so much smoother and happier. Wouldn’t it be the same with Bible study? Wouldn’t it be the more time I spent with my Heavenly Father, savoring the moment, I would learn more and appreciate him more? Yah, I think so to.

It's much more than picturing Jesus standing behind them.

Originally posted 8-5-08 (edited at end)

I've been thinking alot lately about how my role in respecting my husband influences our whole family and those around us. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but I feel so strongly about the significance of respect and forgiveness in marriage. It really does make a difference in yours and your children's lives. Between life and tv/movies, I am grieved by the attitudes of people towards their spouse.

I was recently with some people and the wife completely embarrassed and tore down her husband right there in front of me. It was an unprovoked attack that left me very uncomfortable (as I'm sure he was too) so I stepped out of the room.

And there is nothing like the look on the face of a child whose parents are fighting. It breaks my heart. I've been there. I've been that child. It is a horrible feeling. Parents are a child's security blanket, they need us to be stable and strong together. I don't care how many of their friends parents divorce...it hurts a child to see Mom and Dad not getting along. It's unsettling and it will show up in all different ways in their lives.

I know there are men who are very hard to respect. They don't live honestly or respond to us lovingly, but we are called to be helpmates. We are called to honor their postition in the family.

Eph 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-

30 for we are members of his body.

31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church.

33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
NIV

Notice there are no "ifs" in front of this verse.
No "if" he deserves it.
No "if" he is a Christian (or at least your version of one).
No "if" he does all the things around the house that I've asked him to for 2 years!

NO.
God made us a team. He wants us to live like a team...not like competitors.
Seeing who can be right and how we can make our spouse look foolish and ourselves seem like the honorable one.

NO ONE wins that way.

Marriage is not a competition, it is a commitment.

A commitment to love.
A commitment to care.
A commitment to serve.
A commitment to lift up.
A commitment to uphold.

THANKFUL

I guess what I am ranting about is...be thankful for the husband that God brought into your life. Whatever the situation that brought you together, God can make a beautiful thing out of your marriage if you let Him.
However, He is going to require some things of you...#1- your life.

I've heard it said that many women who struggle with honoring and serving their husbands have to picture Jesus standing behind him and imagine they are serving their Savior instead.

I've been there, I understand that, and if that helps you through the bitterness, that is great. But I want to tell you that if you will lay down your life, truly forgive your husband and respect him...you will no longer need to have that picture in your mind.

I can remember praying after a much "heated discussion" with Mark early in our marriage. I prayed with tears in my eyes and anger in my heart-
"God, I know I have to forgive but I don't want to, he hurt me...he was wrong! God HOW can I forgive THAT?!!"
The response came so quickly to my heart...forgive him like Jesus forgave.
Then I thought of Jesus on that cross when He said...

FORGIVE

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
NIV

Ok....I said it in my heart...but what does that look like? How do I act when I get home? (I had left after our argument to go to the store). And His response to my heart was, if you will forgive him, you can go home and act as if you would if he had never said those things to you.

I have to tell you...our marriage was forever changed from that moment.
It was not "happily ever after" but it was different. I was different and because I was different, he changed too.

There was no longer a power struggle in our home. We became partners and have been growing together as partners ever since. Making plenty of mistakes along the way...but with a commitment that is solid as the Rock it is built on.

I am incredibly thankful for my husband, he is my best friend.

EDITED TO ADD:
In light of some recent conversations and questions I've been asked, I want to say something about women in ministry.

If God's called you to minister, praise God. But don't put that in front of your calling as a wife and mother- that would be rebellion. Make sure that your husband is in agreement and standing with you. You were created to be a helpmeet first.

I'm praying for our marriages,
Sue

Freedom in Prison

I have loved this song since the first time I heard it. It was playing this morning while I was getting ready for church and it still brings me to tears. I looked for a video share with you and found this one. How incredibly powerful to see it sung before prisoners at the Louisiana State Penn.

Yup, I cried...again.

Leadership~ A True Leader Cares

Matthew 8:5-13

5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6 "Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."

7 Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."

8 The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."

10 When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.
NIV

What a beautiful example of leadership.
1. First, the centurion soldier came to Jesus for the sake of his servant. A beautiful picture of how we should care for others, especially those who serve us.
It can be assumed that by this example, the servant probably served his leader well out of response to the way he was taken care of by his leader.

When we are treated well by leaders, we will serve them honorably.

2. Then note the humility of this leader. He says to Jesus, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof.
This is a man of great authority, a centurion soldier, but he acknowledges that Jesus was much greater than he.

No matter how much authority we have on this earth, we need to recognize our need for God and that we are but servants to Him first.

3. This leader also had great faith. He had confidence in Christ and a great assurance that He could heal him.
And not only that He could heal him, but that Jesus could heal the servant with just His word.

These are just a few points from this amazing story. How can we learn from this for ourselves as wives, mothers, employees, bosses, ministry leaders etc?

Leadership is not just position, in fact it has little to do with position. Leadership is influence and the more you care about others and help them, you will gain influence. I believe the centurion soldier shows how much he cares and how wise he is by his words and actions. I’m sure his men would give their lives for him if needed and that is because of how he cared for them.

Lead out of a heart that cares. Help those you lead and if you need to, bring their plight before Jesus, He is more than able to take care of them! We are not to be the answers to their prayers, but we should be bringing them to the One who is.

Signs of Inner Peace

Originally posted June 2007

Symptoms of Inner Peace
by Saskia Davis

Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace!
The hearts of a great many have already been expose to inner peace and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it in epidemic proportions.
This could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:

· A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
· An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
· A loss of interest in judging other people.
· A loss of interest in judging self.
· A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
· A loss of interest in conflict.
· A loss of the ability to worry. (This is a very serious symptom.)
· Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
· Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
· Frequent attacks of smiling.
· An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than (try to) make them happen.
· An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

WARNING:
If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed only at your own risk.