Tips on Raising Middle Schoolers

Ok, so that beautiful little cooing baby that you held just five minutes ago has grown up to be a middle-schooler. Those little rosy cheeks that were once irresistible to squeeze are now speckled with acne.

Remember when they were a toddler and their squeals would lead us to say things like, “oh my, he’s found his voice.” And now staring eye to eye, they argue with us and we think, “oh good gravy, he's found his voice.”

Raising kids reminds me a little of that show Wipe Out. It’s a muddy obstacle course that requires you to jump across giant slippery balls.

Yup, I’d say it’s pretty much exactly like motherhood.

But don’t lose heart moms, we can do this. Here are a few tips to help us navigate this exhausting wonderful time of transition in our child’s life.

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Moms, we will have plenty of major things in life to lose sleep over, don’t give it up for the little things. Pick your battles wisely. Remember, these kids have hormones and emotions that are spinning wildly inside of them and they might just need us to let them vent a bit.

2. Be careful to be encouraging and not critical. They are hearing critical words all the time, let your words be filled with hope and not criticism. This may take some creative thinking on your part at times, but you’re a MOM, you can do this! Build up instead of tear down, even when we see things that put us on the shady side of crazy.

3. Don’t talk too much! I raise my hand as a guilty party here. I can get rambling and before I know it all that my kids are hearing is white noise. Stop the lectures, they tune us out anyway, why waste the breath. Do speak, but not too much…try to find the balance or you’ll end up like this.

The most important thing to remember is that our kids need us. They need us on their side, fighting FOR them in this world not against them.

God has given us an incredible job, and He really does know what He’s doing. You ARE cut out for this…quite perfectly in fact.

I'd love to hear what things have helped you navigate these precious years.

Listen to the Real Moms of West Michigan every Tuesday at 7:05AM on STAR 105.7.
If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
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How Can We Help Our Kids Do Well in School

This is good news for REAL moms!

Tutors are great but studies show that the best students are not ones with tutors but instead a strong family support makes a child a better learner.

It turns out that the family environment is crucial in forming good habits early on in a child's life. Who'da thought?!

Here are a few ways we can help our kids do well in school:

1. Give them a place to study and do homework. Try to keep the noise to a dull roar distractions to a minimum and as much as possible have it be a consistent time each day.

That being said...this REAL mom has practiced spelling words in the car on many occasions.

2. We've talked about this a few times but it bares repeating...communicate with your kids, ask them how things are going in their classes. Which classes do they struggle in, which class is their favorite and why.

3. Communicate with teachers, find out if homework is getting turned in and how they feel your child is doing in class. And as your child see you doing this, the accountability may be good incentive to work harder.

4. Help your kids learn HOW to study. This will really help them as they get older. If you've ever been super tired like me at the end of a day (like I was in this post) and then you realize that they didn't do their homework and you are tempted to just give them the answers, because I have not that I've done that... but we really shouldn't. A better (more patient and rested) parent will teach them how to find the answers. :)

5. And the most important (well not really but it seems that the last one should always be the most important) remain supportive even when they struggle.

Homework is not ever always a fun time of the day, but investing in our kids is worth it!
Real moms like you and I can make a huge difference, in fact the MOST difference in our kids education.
I'd love to hear any tips you have!
Sue

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
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What Can Moms Do About Bullying

Maranda had an excellent program this weekend on “Where You Live” about bullying.

I encourage all moms to check out her blog, she has some great insights from parents, kids and professionals.

One of the girls on that show said something so eye opening about the core of the pain these kids feel. Her name was Karleigh and she said: “when you feel worthless, all you want to do is die”

And I thought, THAT is the heart of what these kids are feeling when they are bullied, they feel worthless and de-valued. And I’m not a professional but as a MOM, I can help my child feel worth. I can show them that they have value.
I can validate them by encouraging them, praising them for accomplishments, telling our little girls that they are beautiful.

Our youngest daughter was adopted from China and she was born with a cleft lip and palate and her scar is very obvious and her little nose is flatter and kids say things to her that break her heart. I talked about it in this post: No One Else Looks Like Me

So we continually tell her she’s beautiful and how precious she is to us and to God, and I see that lift her countenance. It really makes a difference.

Our kids need us to fill their tanks.They need to know that they are an important part not only of our family but of the world. That they have a place, and they have a purpose. They are not here by accident.

And on the other side of this, we can talk to our kids about how we are all different and just like we encourage our kids- that the other kids in their school have a purpose too- and teach our kids to be sensitive to the differences in all of us.

It's as simple as:
Love your neighbor as yourself.

Real moms can make a difference when we show our children their value and worth.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio: STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:
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The REAL Moms Series ~ Raising Strong Willed Kids

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...

WELCOME!

Today I thought we’d give a little bit of encouragement to moms with strong willed children.

Raising strong willed kids can be exhausting!

Strong willed kids are natural born leaders, they like to be a part of the decision making process, so when it's not a major issue I encourage you to give them choices.

When we want them to do something like cleaning their room or doing homework it helps to lay out options for our kids.

Strong willed kids thrive on choices as opposed to direct orders.

Obviously this would not apply to things like playing in traffic. I would not let them have that option. That would make you a bad mom. Not a real mom.

Now that that’s established…*of course I'm teasing*

When we want them to clean their room but they would rather go play outside, we give them a choice; either clean their room and go play outside or sit in a chair, in the house-having no fun.

OR, when we want them to do homework but they would rather play video games, we tell them that they can choose: homework and then video games or if you don’t do your homework there will be no video games and you’ll sit in time out.

I know it's simple and actually a little bit sneaky on our part but we're letting them feel like they have a sense of control over the situation.
It gives them a sense that they are part of the decision which is something that a strong willed child thrives on. They like options. We give them choice A which is what we would like them to choose and then choice B which is whatever we decide would be NO FUN for them.
Always emphasizing that the choice is theirs.
Bottom line, we’re training them to make wise choices.

It is very important with strong willed children that you stay in your position of authority with them, all children want safe boundaries-even when it seems that want to take over- they really want you to be in charge.

A couple other points:

Don’t fight with your child.
Be consistent.
Be fair.
Set clear boundaries.
Choose your battles wisely.
Let calmer heads prevail.

And most important, let me say that strong willed kids are awesome! They are leaders, they will be mountain movers but we need to help them funnel that drive in the right direction and teaching them to make wise choices will help that happen.

It can be really frustrating at times but it’s so worth it. Stay consistent. You’re a REAL mom, you can do this!

I'd love to hear your input on strong willed kids, any tips you want to share with us?

Listen for more tips about strong willed kids and other Mom topics on the REAL Moms of West Michigan on STAR 105.7!
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
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And visit Tommy and Brook at:

Tommy and Brook's Page
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Teaching Our Kids to Be Thankful

Yesterday I stopped into Meijer to grab my Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey was pardoned at our house this year, so I picked up ham, potatoes, corn and all the other traditional goodies to make our meal.
With a full cart I wheeled into the fastest lane. Yes, I pretend to live in a parallel universe where the lines are short and fast the week of Thanksgiving.

There were two people in front of me. A frazzled women with an overflowing cart full of groceries and clamoring children was at the register while an older man who had the face and the belly of a Grandpa stood between us. He looked remarkably like Santa Clause but he wore a black World War II baseball-style cap and there were no reindeer in sight.

The woman was a coupon-er. I am not a coupon-er but have the utmost respect for them. Unless they are in front of me in line. Then I have to wait while they finagle argue sort out their coupons with the cashier who is not conviced that they have all the correct sizes for the coupons in hand.

While I wait, I impatiently happily check my phone and catch up on the tweets I've missed. As the minutes tick by I search for anything written by Ann Voskamp because surely that will calm my nerves, quiet my heart and probably bring me to tears in front of God and everyone in Meijer.

But the sweet World War II veteran in front of me obviously doesn't have an iphone or Ann Voskamp's twitter name. He also seems to be shifting back and forth on his legs and his face shows the ache of many years and maybe a war or two.

He quietly slips out of the lane leaving his two items on the belt. He shuffles his feet to the other side of the store and settles on a hard wooden bench. He looks tired but relieved to be sitting. I see a slow breath leave his chest as his head looks down to the floor.

The coupon woman noticed that he left and apologetically pleaded her case with the cashier and I. She didn't mean to be taking so long, why had he left?...where did he go?...was he angry?...she was embarrassed and even more frazzled. I told her that he had walked to the bench and surely just needed to take a break from standing.

As she walked away the cashier reached to take the mans items off the belt but I asked that she leave them. I would take care of it.

I paid for the grocerys and walked towards the door to the man on the bench. I reached over and handed him his bag and he burst forth with explanation that his legs had grown tired while standing there and he couldn't do it any longer. I nodded that I understood. He then reached for his wallet and tried to pay me. I shook my head no and thanked him for his service. He struggled to pull money out of his pocket but I was already walking through the door and I repeated my thankfulness for his service to our country as I slipped out of the store.

I know it was a small gesture, but I can't tell you how wonderful my heart felt to thank that man for his service to our country and it occured to me that being thankful is not something that we do just to bless others, it is a gift we give to ourselves.

A thankful heart is peaceful.
A thankful heart is not anxious or wanting the best seat at the table.
A thankful heart brings humility and it respects others.
When we are thankful, we esteems others as greater than ourselves and that is a beautiful way to live.

I want to live in that beauty and I want my children to also.

As parents we have the opportunity to train our children to be thankful. The best way we can do this is to live with a thankful heart. Children are smart, they see how we live and they live that way too.

I mentioned a couple practical ways to teach our kids to be thankful when I spoke on Star 105.7 this week on our Real Moms of West Michigan segment, they are:

• Teach them to say thank you. And not just a half-hearted mumbled looking at the ground “thank you.” But we can teach them to look in to the persons eyes and clearly say thank you.

I had to work on this with my 7 yr old because someone would say to her, 'oh you look so pretty' and she would just smile and nod. As if to say- yes I AM darling.

No, I taught her, you need to look them in the eye and say thank you.

• Another thing that is helpful is to ask your kids at bedtime, what are you thankful for today? If they don’t know…teach them the things to be thankful for:

“That we were kept safe every time drove in the car”
“That we are all healthy”
“That we have a warm home to sleep in”

• Also, teach your kids to be thankful
  by giving to others.

I read about a great idea on the Happy Home Fairy blog to teach your kids to be thankful for others…they took individual bags of un-popped microwave popcorn and attached a little sticker/tag to it that said, “we just want to pop in to say we are thankful for you…and then signed their name”
You can hop over to the blog for free printable tags.
Give them to teachers, mailmen, bank teller, coaches and anyone else that touches their life. It helps to get our kids thinking about who they are thankful for.

Thankfulness is not just something to focus on during the holidays but if it opens the door to have the conversation, by all means walk through it. Use this time of year to teach the kids what a heart of thanksgiving looks like.

It will grow them up to be beautiful people.

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Moms Need a Time Out

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

Moms, have you had a time out lately?

We need them. Ok, maybe you don't-but I do! A time to get away, recharge, destress and refresh!

I encourage you to grab a girlfriend and have some girl time.
Maybe it's as simple as a pedicure together or a weekend away with the girls.

Of course if you know me, you know that this has practically become my life's mission through the ministry of Praise and Coffee.

I'm constantly encouraging women to get together in small groups over a cup of coffee and share life. It helps us realize that we're not alone in this journey of motherhood and all things related to being a woman.

I spent time this past weekend with 3 other friends in South Haven at a Women's Only Weekend. We had so much fun! Lots of shopping, laughing, wine tasting and chocolate eating.
We even took turns laughing at each other when the other had a hot flash and had to stand in the open doorway of the hotel room so the breeze off the water could cool us down. Ok...maybe we didn't take turns. Maybe that was just me. But at least it was fun to laugh about it with girls that understood!

Tell me, what is your favorite way to unwind with the girls?
The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

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The Real Moms Series ~ Lighten Up!

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!


Are there any other Moms out there that tends to forget to stop and have fun with her kids?

I've been guilty of this, I can get so caught up in my agenda and plan that I am wound up tighter than a drum.

This weekend I caught myself lecturing Lauren about picking up her toys. Again.

I didn't realize I was lecturing until I saw that look. You know the eyes glaze over and she's looking right through me oblivious to the words spilling out of my mouth.

It happens when I start to channel Charlie Brown's teacher and wah-wah-wah is all she hears.

When I realized what was happening I thought to myself- stop!
This is not working.

Lighten up!

I had a great opportunity later in the afternoon while making cookies.

While my Kithchen Aid mixer was hard at work...
Brief break here to say that Kitchen Aid mixer's are a gift from God.

So it was mixing away and I accidently dropped a whole egg into the batter. Yes, shells and all. Instantly ruining said batter.

Lauren's eyes got big as saucers (which is no small feat for tiny almond shaped eyes) and she braced herself for what could be an explosive response from me.

BUT...I had chosen to lighten up.
So I looked at the mess and....laughed.

I even turned the mixer on higher just see what a mess we could make.

When Lauren realized that I wasn't going to be all upset about it, she cracked up. Pun totally intended.

We both had a good laugh.
Just making the choice to lighten up changed everything.

So Moms, lighten up! It will bless you and your kids.

Proverbs 17:22 says:
"A cheerful heart is good medicine,but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength."

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Parent/Teacher Conferences

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WELCOME!



Tips for Great Parent Teacher Conferences

It’s hard to believe that it’s that time of year again. Didn’t we just step off the beach 5 minutes ago? Ok maybe not, but here we go, parent/teacher conferences.

While every situation, child, classroom and teacher are different, here are a few tips on making your conferences productive:

1. Prepare ahead of time.
Look at the work your child brings home to gage how they are doing.
Talk to your child on a regular basis about how school is going for them.
I would suggest that you don’t just ask: “How is school going?” because you will get the answer “Fine.”
Instead, ask questions that will enlist more than one word answers.
Such as:
“What subjects do you like best and why?”
“Are you struggling with any of your work?”
“Who is your favorite teacher?” and “What do you like about their class?”
“Who do you hang out with at lunch/recess?” and “Are there any kids that you avoid? And why?”

2. Be ready with the questions you want to ask before going to the conference, write them down if you need to.
Examples:
a. Is my child keeping up with the rest of the class? Do you see any learning disabilities or does my child need to be challenged more in the classroom?
b. What are my child’s strong points?
c. Does my child participate in the classroom?
d. How does my child get along with others?
e. If the child is struggling with bad grades, is there anything they can do for extra credit?

3. Let the conference be a two way conversation, don’t do all the talking, but your input is very important to a good relationship with their teacher.

4. See the teacher as a partner in our child’s learning. I haven’t always been thrilled with my child’s teacher or their teaching style but unless the situation is beyond repair, it is best to try and work things out.

5. Thank the teacher and ask for his/her suggestions on what you can do at home to help your child with his/her schoolwork.

6. Pray for their teacher and your student. Lauren and I pray together each day on the way to school.

We’ve had up and down moments through the school years.
My kids didn’t always give school their best effort but it helped when we stayed engaged in what they were doing and kept accountability by asking them about their assignments and stopping in to the classroom to check in with the teacher.

Conferences with the teacher also helped keep me on my toes because face it, we’re moms, we have a million things needing our attention. A good partnership with our child’s teacher can be a great thing for us real moms!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Real Moms Series ~ Sibling Rivalry

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!



Today I thought we’d talk about sibling rivalry, it’s just a fact of life when we have more than one child.

The other day I watched a desperate mom in Target try to calm her squabbling children and it reminded me of when I felt like a referee in my own home.

Constant picking on one another, teasing each other until someone erupted and things got noisy.

Unfortunately I can’t say…when they reach the magical age of _____ it all stops.
I don’t think we’ll ever eliminate it altogether, but there are a few things that Moms can do to keep from pulling our hair out.

• Try not to get involved unless there’s a danger that someone’s going to get hurt. Let them work it out. If you constantly step in you could send a message to the kids that they don’t need to resolve it, MOM will.

• Separate the kids until they are calm- I remember a time in the grocery store when I put one child on one side of the cart and the other on the other.

• Help your kids to understand that everything is not always “fair” or “equal”

• Use some of the arguments as an opportunity to teach your kids about saying ‘I’m sorry’ and forgiving one another. Help them resolve things without “making” them resolve it.

• Have clear boundaries with each other’s toys and possessions.

• If they constantly squabble about the same thing (video games or tv) post a schedule.

• Have fun together as a family. Give your kids opportunities to get along with each other in fun situations. (Example, going to Gull Meadow’s farm with the kids, sledding in the winter, etc.)

And sometimes kids need that assurance that their place in the home is safe and extremely important. Like that little boy on Cheaper by the Dozen who felt that he “didn’t fit” in the family, our kids need us to assure them of how important they are to the family and that they fill a place no one else could fill.

And know that sibling rivalry is a normal part of childhood and growth. If your kids are fighting, it doesn’t make you a bad mom …it just makes you a REAL mom!

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web

STAR 105.7 on Facebook

@TommyAndBrook on Twitter

The Emotional Roller Coaster of Motherhood

Motherhood is not for the weak.

There's the screaming, crying, sleeplessness and constant emotional roller coasters that women have to deal with.

AND THEN we become a mother.

Now suddenly we're living in a home with one or more other highly irrational individuals.

No one prepared us for this.
They didn't hand out a manual when they set that darling little bundle in our arms and wheeled us out the door of the hospital.

Sure, those women at our baby shower sat there smiling and oohing and cooing about the cute little outfits and bath towels. They had no problem telling us the horrors of labor, but they failed to mention what life with children is really like, or that we would never actually use those silly little bath towels.

They didn't tell us that it's the most frightening, wonderful, terrifying yet glorious experience this side of heaven.

Each season of raising children has joys and trials of it's own.

The euphoria of being a new mom wrapped in the stark reality that we will never-ever enjoy another selfish moment to ourselves.

The joys of toddlers, the adorableness of watching them experience a butterfly while trying to corral them from wobbling into oncoming traffic.

The enthusiasm of pre-schoolers learning to speak in sentences while hushing them before they tell the world that mommy yells at daddy.

The thrill of our school age children playing sports while we sit in the wind and the rain cheering and shivering til we lose our voice.

Then the teens years of figuring out the gentle balance of parent, friend, mentor and confidant. No one prepared me for when that ice-cream smothered smile who wanted an underdog would wish that I didn't walk into school with them.

Suddenly, we blink and they are moving out of our homes and starting new lives. Spreading their wings while we pray that they don't make all the same mistakes we did.

But they will.
And then some.
And it's ok, they need to.
It's how we learned, and they will too.

My children are 23, 21, 19 and 7.
I tease that I've become my own mentor.
Sometimes I think I got another chance to get it right, and then I see how great my kids are doing and think- maybe I didn't get it so wrong.

Raising Lauren is so different from the first three.
My first three were so close together and life was crazy!
But with Lauren, things are much more subdued and I enjoy a lot more one-on-one time with her, which is good because those first 2 years in an orphanage left her filled with internal scars and needing a mommy with time for her.

I am so blessed also to have the opportunity to speak to so many MOPS groups. I love these women and the precious time of life that they are in.
I remember needing encouragement.
Needing someone to say, "you will get through this season, and you will be thankful for it!"

I had the wonderful opportunity to meet Elisa Morgan, founder of MOPS.
She is a little powerhouse. A precious woman with a heart of gold. Check out her latest book, "She Did What She Could."


Thank you Elisa Morgan for starting this amazing ministry and lifting the hearts of young moms everywhere!

Please encourage a mom with young ones today, and call her on your way to the store, chances are she could stand to have you pick something up for her.

To find a MOPS group in your area:
MOPS International

Changing Our Tone Changes Everything

If you're stopping by because you heard me on STAR 105.7...
WELCOME!

This is what we talked about on "The Real Moms of West Michigan" today.
(Don't you just picture me in fuzzy robe and slippers??
Add a cup of coffee and side-show Bob hair and that's pretty much me!)

“Changing Our Tone Changes Everything”

The other day I was scolding Lauren (my 7yr old) for not getting ready fast enough, which is a common occurrence because I tend to be running behind, and suddenly I heard my angry voice barking orders at her and I was horrified by the sound of it.

I thought about the fact that I would never talk to someone else this way.

AND...if I ever heard another person speak in this tone to my child, I would get all kinds of ugly on them!

But here I was, unloading on my child, my precious daughter who I dearly love!

And her response?

To bark right back at me.


Yes. It’s a vicious cycle.

I thought to myself…this is NOT working. I have to change my tone.

I thought of what it says in Proverbs 15:1.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

I needed to deflect my anger.
So I took a deep breath and spoke in my best "nice mom" voice.


Immediately, it changed the atmosphere in the room. She calmed down, we got ready and headed out the door.

Thankfully, the simple act of calming my voice and quieting my tone can change
the atmosphere of our homes!

So, I want to encourage Mom’s today to think about the sound of our voices because our kids respond so much better when we speak to them in calmer tones.

I KNOW this isn’t easy, but it can change everything if we give it a try and WE will feel better about ourselves as Moms too.

I hope you were encouraged by this Real Mom moment!

Much love,
Sue Cramer

The "Real Moms of West Michigan" airs Tuesday mornings at 7:05 AM EST.

If you are not in the West Michigan area, you can listen online at iHeart Radio:
STAR 105.7

And visit Tommy and Brook at:

STAR 105.7 on the web
STAR 105.7 on Facebook
@TommyAndBrook on Twitter