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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Is Insecurity Hurting Your Marriage?

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So ladies, who fills your cup?
Who or what dictates what kind of day you are going to have?

I spent a few years allowing the emotions of my day to be hinged on how my husband talked to me and treated me.
If I felt loved and accepted by him, it was a good day.
But if I felt I had let him down or he was angry or disappointed with me about something, it was a bad day.

I lived my life through his eyes. My security came from him alone.

I struggled with this until I learned that my esteem and security were supposed to come from my God. In fact, the way that I was living was putting a huge strain on my husband and our relationship.

I put him in a position that God never intended him to be...my all in all, my everything.

I found out that God wanted to be My Everything, and in fact it was wrong to put any person in that position in my life.


I let him and others dictate the mood and atmosphere of my life and home.
One negative look or comment could send my emotions spiraling down.

Thankfully, I was in a Bible study that set me on the right track. God's Word taught me that my joy needed to come from my relationship with Him and that nothing and no one could take THAT joy away.

I learned to walk close to God and let His Word be my barometer.


1 John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!
NIV

I was God's child, His precious daughter. He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. The more I learned about the Lord, the more I loved Him and understood His love for me.

This very insecure woman found security in God her Father. He became my All in All...and continues to make that so real to me everyday.


However, I still have days when I need to remind myself that my joy
comes from the Lord and nothing or no one can take that away. I choose to walk this life...it won't happen by accident.


I need to fill my cup with the Lord and His goodness so that I am not draining my husband and friends...wanting them to fill me. Blaming them for my bad days.

Lord, help us to find our joy and security in You and You alone. The other relationships in our life are so meaningful and rewarding, but they are not what sustains us, that is reserved for You.
Help us to run to you first Lord, fill us, and let us pour Your love into our families as it overflows from out hearts.


I'm praying for our marriages,

14 comments:

Faye said...

SUE WE ALL NEED TO PRAY!I LOVED YOUR POST.YOU PRAY FOR ME AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU!HAVE A GREAT DAY! BLESSINGS, FAYE

Faye said...

HEY SUE, IT IS ME AGAIN.I WANT YOU TO READ MY BLOG.GOD WAS TUGGING AT MY HEART.I DO NOT KNOW WHY I SAID THE THINGS I DID,I JUST HOME IT WILL HELP SOMEONE!SENDING YOU HUGS! BLESSINGS, FAYE

Praise and Coffee said...

Thanks Faye, that is a wonderful post!!

Anonymous said...

Sue,
We have never met but I feel like you know what's going on with me. I am having insecurities that are putting a strain on my marriage right now. Thank you for posting this and giving me something to read and think about!

Sarah Engelmann

Praise and Coffee said...

Thanks Sarah, I look forward to meeting you next week at the Praise and Coffee Night.
Hugs,
Sue

Patricia said...

Sue, this is a great post. I'll probably RT it a few times today. Last night, my husband and I were just discussing my insecurity issues and how I did not really become totally secure in our marriage until I was around 42--24 years into our marriage. (Long story: but the conversation was triggered by a song on the oldies station by one of his young adult faves and my jealousy of his enjoyment of her music...silly me!)

Unfortunately, insecurity is a common characteristic of adults who were reared in a dysfunctional family. Never mind that my husband is one who is kind, loving, easy-going, and almost always in a good mood...I still have those days where I think if something about me bothers him (unfinished laundry, too much time on the computer) that my day is ruined or I am just not quite succeeding in my role as a wife.

Thankfully, God chose just the man He knew I needed to help me overcome childhood wounds and become the woman He intended me to be. When I remember how particularly God works in my life, I an awed, but much more confident woman.

God-thing: I lived in Okinawa, Japan on West Virginia Loop when I met my husband--a young airman fresh from his home state--West Virginia! Doesn't God have a wonderful sense of humor!?! And perfect timing!!

Brazen Hussey's said...

Sue~

This is why I published my post "Wives: the Weaker Vessel" because as husbands (of which I am one) too often we make our wives into potsherds.

As a hubby, this post is a really helpful reminder to treat my wife as what she is: a gift from God, of more value than rubies.

Your post hits our marriage on a very deep nerve, but from my perspective it underscores my responsibility as a husband.

You are so right: God is a jealous God and will admit no others to His throne, not even our spouse.

So well put!

--JMH

Smelling Coffee said...

You are so right! It is a choice! One we must make every minute of every day. Thanks for the good Word this morning.

Bryce's momma said...

You get me everytime! Neat how God works! Thanks!

Debi said...

Insecurity is a common characteristic for so many who come from dysfunctional homes.

I think perhaps our spouses do not realilze the important role they play in this, even when it's unintentional.

Thank you for your insight into this topic that causes so pain in our relationships.

Simply BB said...

Wow- I stand in AWE and am truly amazed at how God works....He is steadily TUGGING.....

Blessings to you and yours.
Simply, BB.

Holley said...

Sue, thanks for the Twitter follow. I'm so glad it led me to your blog--this is just what I needed today!

Melody said...

Wow, thanks for posting this.. God brought it to me right when I needed it.
~Melody

Melissa in Mel's World said...

Love Love Love it...I can so relate on so many levels...thanks for going straight to the point my friend!

Melissa

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