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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Two shall be One ~ Win-Win

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Do you walk away from arguments with your spouse feeling as though you just lost? While the other person is talking, are you thinking of what you can say to change his or her words?

No? Well, I have, so humor me! ;)

I have even had arguments with my husband while he was out of the room!

But seriously, this is so destructive to our marriage. We are partners after all. We are both on the same team, but sometimes we treat each other like arch enemies. We think that there is a winner and a loser, when in fact if we are against each other- we both lose.


Eph 5:29-31
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
NKJV

Can you imagine what would happen if your body tried to function according to the rules of a win-lose system. Suppose your heart and your lungs got into a heated debate about which one most needed more blood supplied to it. Or if our mouth decided to punish the body by not breathing anymore.Does it really matter who wins?
In marriage, you have to find a win-win solution,
because when there's a winner and a loser, you both lose!
We have to find a win-win solution.
To do this, it’s going to take humility and maturity.

It really doesn’t matter who is right or wrong, we may never agree on that. But can we chose to lay down our own rights for our spouse?
God will reward a humble heart.

When we walk in love, we both win.
Your nugget for today is, Win-Win!

Here’s some food for thought (and prayer):

Ps 25:9
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them His way.
NIV


Eph 4:2
2 Be completely humble and gentle;
be patient, bearing with one another in love.
NIV

James 4:6
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."
NIV

James 4:10
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord,
and He will lift you up.
NIV

1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand,
that He may lift you up in due time.
NIV

32 comments:

Jennifer said...

Great reminder.
Smiles!

Denise said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, and your wisdom. These devotions really bless me.

Linda said...

You are so right! Win Win. I am going to try by best to agree to disagree. (Only with the Lord's help will I accomplish this)
Blessings,
Linda

Mocha with Linda said...

What a great analogy! We really are just shooting ourselves in the foot when do that aren't we!

Thanks for the insight!

Alisun@ A Brooke In The Forest said...

I struggle with so many times a day, Why am I always the one to say I was wrong ectt.. Because in the end it is what God wants not what my ego needs.

When I do not react with another fight everything seems so much better. Sometimes my honeys just have too much pressure from their days that a little venting can be all it is, I need to not take it so personnel all the time.

Like the reference to our bodies very good food for thought thanks for the nuggets this week.

nickernoodle said...

I am right there with you Sue! I have done the same thing and feel horrible afterwards. We don't fight a lot but when we do, its not pretty! THanks for this post!

Kim said...

I LOVE your sense of humor!! Another great post on marriage.

You've shared much to ponder....and with God's help...our marriages can be an amazing tool.... :-)

Jeff and Michelle said...

What wonderful nuggets from God's word we should keep in mind every day! Thanks!
Michelle

Sandy said...

Hi Sue - usually both sides have validity - so it takes maturity from both to sometimes "agree to disagree" - great post AGAIN!
Hey, I have another great tool for a couple over at my site ...
Sandy

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Hmmm... I see a thread running through this tapestry... humble maybe? Ouch. As always, great post and food for thought and prayer.

BTW - I used to work in the medical field and when you wrote about imagining if our bodies fought itself, that happens with people who have an auto-immune disease, their own body fights itself. I used to run blood tests on people with diseases like this and they were often in pain and in effect dying a slow death.

A Stone Gatherer said...

Thanks for the reminder to be humble! I like the WIN WIN situations!

Wendy said...

Thanks for the reminder that we are ONE and that we need to be humble in our relationships. I find that my mind is the battle ground between my hubby and I and that with God's help I need to take every thought captive so that what in my mind/heart at the time is not reflected in my actions.

Mob said...

That is so true. I heard this the other day and it made sense to me:
You can win the battle, but lose the war. I took it to mean that if you always have to win the fight, watch out because your marriage might end in divorce.

Nadine said...

Wonderful reminder. I find lately I'm convicted of my wrong doings immediately and stop and ask for forgiveness before it goes much further.

Debbie said...

Thank you for telling me something that I already do and don't always practice!!

Debbie

Deb said...

Another great post Sue, I love the win win!! I learned many years ago, especially with my kids, CHOOSE your battles WISELY, not everything has to be a battle yes? Thanks Sue:)

Fran said...

Humility is a tough one isn't it?
But, once we see how beautiful humility looks....its what we truly want to be.

Its still hard. But, it sure looks a whole lot better! :)

Hugs~
Fran

Linda said...

There's a lot of wisdom here!

Amy J said...

I love this! You can't see me, but I'm doing the "happy-dance"! Yes, this is tough to do sometimes, but OH so worth it!! My thing is that marriage is NOT a 50-50 relationship, I really don't think there is "meeting halfway"...I truly believe that my goal is to be 100%. Hopefully that is the spouse's way of thinking too. My husband wasn't this way until this year, after spending 6 months in Iraq with time to reflect. He even asked if I ever would have given up on him if he hadn't changed (of course, my answer was NO!!). You can read more at my blog. Thanks again!!!!

Denise C said...

Thanks for the wonderful reminder! Count me in for the "WIN-WIN" plan!
Make it a blessed day my friend!

Cheryl said...

I have really been working on this. It makes things so much easier. Love your scripture. Thanks

Mel's World said...

Ok Sue...now you are starting to "freak me out" a bit. Did you talk to my dear husband???

You are SO right my sister...we should always look for the WIN-WIN...so, are you going to tell us how to do that next week? (Just joking)...can you teach a class or something? (still joking!)

Seriously though you have hit the nail on the head yet again...that's my new assignment this week!

xoxo,
Melissa

Frazzled Farm Wife said...

Win-Win....love it! I have also had arguments with my husband when he wasn't in the room too...and under my breath! Looks like I should (and will) take a lesson away from this post!

Darnelle said...

Amen Sue!
I still remember the day (spent whining to God about why I ALWAYS had to be the one to give in, etc., etc.,) when He let me see that it "seemed" to always be "my turn" because there were, still, areas of my heart rooted in pride. And, every time I yielded when I didn't want to - simply because it honored Him - a small part of that pride would lose its hold on me.
I am certainly not perfect, but I have found that to be true.
Amazing! God knew what He was talking about!
Thank you for Tuesdays!
Darnelle

Pennies In My Pocket said...

WOW again. I think I say 'wow' a lot when ever I come to your blog. Imagine if BOTH the husband and wife followed this! :) Actually, my hubby and I have gotten SO much better and we try to use this same analogy. Works wonders ... beyond amazing!

Thanks for the reminder!

~melody~

Praise and Coffee said...

So true, it all comes down to pride doesn't it?

Just when I think I'm making progress, something will come up that exposes pride in my heart. Ugh!

Thankfully, the Lord is so merciful to keep teaching us and loving on us.

SharonB said...

Resolving conflict with our husband isn't that different than resolving conflict with a brother or sister...it all takes humility...looking at our own sin (log) before going after my husbands sin (splinter). We should always go in love and humility with much prayer.

not always easy though...thanks for the reminder

Edge of Design said...

No! Can't count myself with those couples who never fight. It seems to me it's always those little things, huh? Thanks for your honesty! It's refreshing!

Penless Thoughts said...

Most marriage problems are "power struggles" and we, as wives, are told to submit. Took me some years to truly learn that but life has been wonderful since.
Susan

Praise and Coffee said...

Susan,
Thank you, you are so right!
Good words from a Godly woman.

Love ya,
Sue

Holy Chaos said...

I heard this saying pertaining to marriage awhile back that is true "Being Right Is Not one of the fruits of the Spirit."

Tamatha said...

Thanks for the reminder:o)

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