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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Tired of Bickering??

Orignally posted July 8, 2008.

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If you are married, surely you face conflict on a regular basis. Daily we are given opportunity for arguments and strife. I put together a list of things to consider before your conflict grows to the point of no return.

1. Avoid the words "you" and use "I" instead.
When we point the finger at someone it immediately makes them feel accused and they will automatically respond defensively.

2. Don't use the words "always" and "never" while having a heated discussion with your spouse.
Chances are, it won't be a truthful statement, and it will bring a sense of hopelessness to the situation.

3. Think before you speak!
Sounds simple, but it is so easy to blurt out a statement without thinking through the possible reprocussions of it. Boy do I know this one!

4. Apply this verse during a disagreement:
Prov 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.
NIV

It is amazing how just softening your tone can change the atmosphere in a room.
Think about it like a fire...you can either pour gasoline on it or water. A gentle answer is like pouring water on a fire. A harsh response is like gasoline.

5. One of my favorite sayings, look in the mirror first.
What do I need to change? How have I escalated this situation? What can I do differently?

6. Deal with bitterness and unforgiveness.
Many times the argument at hand is just a symptom of a deeper issue that is unresolved. Sometimes we hold on to things for years and never deal with the hurt and anger than lie beneath.
Get alone and pray about it. Ask the Lord to heal your broken heart.
Forgiveness with most likely be involved in this process.

Here is an article I wrote about my story of a broken heart:
Bring God Your Broken Heart

7. Empathy.
Put yourself in your spouses shoes and try to see things from their perspective- especially considering their personality type...etc.

8. If you can't resolve things, please talk to someone who will give you Godly advice.

This is a short list, so feel free to add more in the comments!

I am praying for our marriages,
Sue

9 comments:

Kimberlymac said...

Thank you! That was so full of wisdom. I also find that I need to anticipate that during those times of huge decisions, that the enemy will set my husband and I up to be upset. Emotional Whirlwinds I call them. Thoughts that spin and spin and if you step into them, your emotions will be tossed too and fro and it will not be pretty! I went through that this weekend. We were trying to decide a big decision and the whirlwinds began in my mind, the enemy setting me up. I stood on the outside of it, getting pushed around by the wind and could feel my emotions becoming so negative. But, Thankfully, I made the right choice this time and I stepped aside, gathered my God-thoughts and clung hard to my life-promises and waited for the whirlwind to wind down, and it usually does. Our enemy does not have enough energy to keep up a whirlwind and they usually spin out and when they do, you find you are still standing on Holy Ground!
Thanks Sue for your call to undergird all our marriages in God's great wisdom! God Bless You much!

Smelling Coffee said...

Wise words, Sue! Thank you for faithfully reminding us of these things and for investing in our marriages.

Cristi said...

Dont forget, NEVER use the "D" word in arguments. Oh yea! I got my Praise and Coffee prize today! Woo Hoo! That was GREAT! Thanks SO MUCH! I blogged about it and linked to you. Have a great day!

Rona's Home Page said...

I've noticed that in arguements I'm not blaming him but listening to him
One must remember we're a team not individuals.

Deb said...

Sue, you are growing leaps and bounds.God is so good and doing a great work in your life.
God Bless.

Glowing 4 Him said...

thanks so much for having a heart & passion for marriages. Your insight/wisdom helps more than you can ever imagine.

Susan Skitt said...

Good thoughts Sue, sound godly wisdom. I could have used that list last night :) I am so competative by nature, it does not do well in a marriage relationship. The soft answer verse is one I have memorized and I need to revisit. "Soft" is definately not my nature unless you're talking about the belly jiggle left after having my children (grin).

Much love,
Susan

Praise and Coffee said...

Susan,
That is so funny!
That verse is one that I think on often too, I'm quite like you!

Jennifer said...

Hi Sue! How true your words are! I am a Christian Counselor from Ga, and I tell you what, the people who I see on a regular basis sure need to know these words! I have often taught Bible studies like "The Love Dare," from the movie Fireproof and "Power of a Praying Wife," by Stormie Omartian, which both state that the most powerful prayer we as spouses should pray is not: "Change my spouse, Lord!" Rather, we should pray, "Change me!" Thanks for being a blessing! Stop by my blog sometime if you get a chance! :) graceforallfamilies.blogspot.com

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