I can not tell you how many wives I have cried and prayed with that are believing God for their unsaved husband. Such a heart-wrenching place to be. They love their husband but can’t share the most important part of their life with them.
Sometimes the husbands even go to church and confess to be Christians, but are not living a Christian life and the woman feels that she is alone in her walk. She longs to have her husband take the lead spiritually, to pray with the family and teach the kids to love the Lord and His Word.
Each time I sit with a women in this position, I share a verse that I feel is the key to a woman walking this path.
1 Peter 3:1-2
3:1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
NIV
The key phrase here: “without words.”
So often we feel it is our job to convince them to follow the Lord - with our words.
Preaching at him every opportunity we get will not draw him to God, unfortunately it will probably push him to the point of wanting nothing to do with our church or our God.
Read it in the Amplified version:
1 Peter 3:1-2
3:1 IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,
2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him — to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
AMP
Well there you go. We have quite a list to keep us busy:
* to respect him
* defer to him
* revere him
* to honor
* esteem
* appreciate
* prize
* to adore him
* to admire
* praise
* be devoted to
* deeply love
* enjoy your husband
Seriously, let’s go through this list, one by one and really ask ourselves where we can improve in these areas.
Do we respect them? In front of the kids? In front of others?
Do we defer to him as the leader in our home? Really???
Like when we know that he really does not want us to do _____________, do we do it anyway??? Or do we choose to defer to him and his position?
Do we honor and esteem him?
Let me ask it this way, how does your husband know that he is honored and esteemed in his home?
I challenge you to ask him….
Do we prize them? How do you treat something that you prize?
Adore? Admire?
PRAISE, are we praising them?
I have often said that it is our job to be they’re biggest cheerleader in this life. What do they get the most accolades for? If we are not their biggest cheerleader who/what is?
They will gravitate to that person or thing, ie: job, sport, etc.
Are we devoted to them? Another spin on that…what do we devote ourselves to, is it them…or could it be “good” things such as church/kids, etc. that come before our husbands?
Do we deeply love and enjoy our husbands?
Maybe the idea of enjoying them is absolutely foreign to you, I’ve spoken with many women that feel that way. Let me just tell you, it’s not too late to deeply love and enjoy them –and enjoy your marriage.
That’s God’s plan for marriage! Enjoyment and pleasure.
Our marriages can be a little bit of heaven on earth.
Let’s look at one more version of that verse out of The Message Bible:
1 Peter 3
1-4 The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty.
I love that, what a picture it paints. “Be captivated by your life of holy beauty.”
That radiates true womanhood!
Captivate him.
I would love it if you would share (in the comments) how you have already applied this in your life or how you plan to.
I’m praying for our marriages.
15 comments:
You share such words of wisdom for women. It can be difficult to walk my talk instead of always talking and preaching at my husband. I pray each day for the Holy Spirit to prompt me when I am to speak and when I need to keep quiet.
I also find that as I spend time with the Lord each morning, praying and reading His Word, it helps me to get through my day. I ask Him to fill me to overflow with His Spirit, His wisdom, His love and peace...and then I am so much more prepared for my day. I'm less inclined to expect my husband to meet all of my needs. The Lord does that for me. After all, I think it's unfair to expect from our husband what only the Lord can do.
When the fruit of the Spirit is evident in my life, my husband notices and loves it.
Thank you Debbie, very beautifully said.
Oh, Sue!! This is such a wonderful post. I am blessed to have a husband who is a believer, but my heart aches for women, dear friends even, who struggle with this. I am going to pass this along to a few of them. Thank you for sharing your beautiful gift of wisdom!
Today's reminder not only is great for those who are praying for their husbands but for those who have Christian husbands. It was a great reminder for me. Thanks
I have to say, Sue, that this was a very refreshing post. We are surrounded with a culture that tells us one thing---that all that matters is "being sexy"---even for older women now. It is an obsession. Even in Christian circles we can be encouraged more in this than in the true beauty/holiness that you describe. Don't get me wrong...I am all for working hard at being as attractive as possible for my husband. I think that is very important. But somehow what you have shared is becoming lost and overshadowed by the philosophy of this world. I loved your title: "Captivate Him With Holy Beauty". True beauty. You hit the nail on the head, girl!!!
That verse reminds me of Stasi Elderidge's book, Captivating.
Love it.
Well, let's see I have made his lunches, slipped love notes in there. I have made huge deals out of him on special occassions; birthdays (actually throwing a huge milestone birthday with friends, family, coworkers and business associates at the local hotel ball room), I take the kids shopping for a present and we bake a cake and get his favorite ice cream, valentines (babysitter, flowers, candles). At Christmas, I would make the tags out that honor his authority, To the King of the castle, the Big man of the house, The love of my life. You get the picture for special occassions. I became involved in ministries at church. I was hands on raising his children. I have his work clothes neat and organized and clean. I would buy simple little things just because.I make sure to put his tools back where I found them.I never leave the house with out kissing him goodbye. I never go against him with the kids(I may take him to another rooom to persuade him to take a different approach). I take care of his business and pay the bills and take care of household. I could give you more.
Personally I feel this loving our husband's is built in. We are continually forgiving and continually trying please them even when dissapointed time and again. It's built in ~ Does not God tell Eve that her desire will be for her husband?
Very important post for all of us Sue- and I really really needed it today...I woke up late- crabby and confrontational...my big thing is learning to "bridle my tongue" more...and to use it to lift up my husband more and be less critical...I try to wake up early and read my devotionals and pray- for our day- for our children - for our marriage...and boy, when I don't...ouch!
Blessings!
My husband has back slidden, but that doesn't mean I don't adore him and love him extremely. I remember once driving 55 miles one way to take him dinner as a surprise. When I was pregnant and he was taking the bus from San Diego to Bremerton to surprise me, I found out and picked him up in Portland and he loved it.
I cannot go a day without telling him how much I love him and adore him. He is my rock and we have weathered many storms including a long bout with his drinking & I never gave up. I kept remembering that I promised to love, honor and cherish & those words mean so much to me everyday! Sue, you are a great inspiration!
This is important for all of wives to always remember, too many times we get comfortable and forget hubby needs a God given fan after a bad of the world beating him down.
I stopped by to see if you had anything new posted...always enjoy visiting you!
I was thinking about our motives in obeying what the scriptures say we should be for our husbands...that they shouldn't be done with the motivation...or even hope...that our husband will change. What we do should be to honor and glorify God, even if our husbands never change. Isn't that a challenge? I have a friend whose husband is not a a good husband or father. He has hurt his family for years. My friend has been faithful in what she is called to be...still no change. She told me one day that she didn't like going to ladies semenars etc, that talked about this, because the examples they always give (in her experience) were examples where the women were faithful, and the man repented, and now he is a leader etc. She said to me, "Gina, what about those of us whose husbands don't change? We are supposed to be faithful even if they don't change...because it's not about change, it's about glorifying God." The ladies meetings actually were a discouragement to her because of the emphasis.
I thought that was such a good point!
We went to see "Fireproof" last night. It was such an inspiring movie...and encouraged me to be a better wife! I highly recommend it!!
Gina,
Great point! Yes, I definitely meant this post to be focused on our part to play instead of where our husband is or trying to change him.
Changing our husband is between them and God. But we have to look in the mirror and make sure we are doing exactly what God told us to.
Our husbands could see us in holy beauty and still decide that serving God is not what they want to do.
BUT, we never stop praying and obeying.
When our joy is found first in the Lord, there is peace in our heart no matter what he decides.
In Genesis, we understand that God made Eve for Adam (wife for husband) to be his help-mate. We are as mates to help our husband's be. Unfortunately sometimes teachings can come across as wives are to never share what dissappoints us or what we need from them as men. If there is one thing we can all agree on is that men are not mind-readers and we must be communicating to them what we are concerned about that will ultimately help them be more Godly-minded man. Yes, we need to praise them, but we also need to tenderly care about their areas of weakness and encourage them to overcome with the love and support of their help-mates. Men need to realize that God created us for them to lean on in all times. (Let's face most men think they have to do everything by themselves.) He created us to help them in all times.
Holly,
Do you have a blog?
No, I am not that computer savvy. Actually my brother-in-law, the preacher, sent me your link because you reminder him of me ~ praise and coffee! My two favorite things!
Post a Comment