I think about this particular person (that NONE of you know :0) ) that is very much like this.
He is one of my kids' friends.
He is what I would call a "one-upper."
It matters not what you are talking about, he has a bigger and better story.
He is constantly arguing and stirring up trouble with others, in fact often telling you that you are wrong and he is right.
The very sad thing though is that he is a very lonely person and can't understand why no one likes him. He complains all the time about 'so and so' not liking him or being mad at him.
By his trying so hard to impress people, he actually repels them.
Of course I know that this goes far deeper in him that I can diagnose, I'm sure that this was learned over many years and 'who knows what' else. He tries to give an impression of superiority, but the irony is that he himself has such a low self-esteem.
If only he could see that by 'lifting' himself up, he is only tearing others down, and who wants to be around a person that tears you down all the time?
We, by nature, will gravitate toward those who make us feel good about ourselves and avoid those who make us feel "less than" them.
We all want to 'fit in' somewhere, we want to belong and feel valuable.
God wants that for us too!
I love what the Word says:
Hebrews 8:10
10 This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time, declares the Lord.
I will put my laws in their minds and
write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
NIV
God knows of our need to belong- He put the desire there!
And He is the one that wants to fulfill it!
...and they will be MY people....
I love it!
I am praying for this young man, and I pray that you would lift up the person that jumped into your head as you read this.
Our natural reaction is to reject them, but they really are just longing for love and approval.
Blessings friend,
18 comments:
I know exactly what you're talking about! It's great that you're praying for him. When I meet people like that, I always have to pray for God to give me patience, because you just never know what people have been through in their life.
You are so right when you said that it goes far deeper in this young man. You've given us a good reminder to look past the external and be sympathetic to the internal, all while praying for the individual. Our pastor has been bringing up lately that the root of a lot of problems we experience are from not feeling loved! If we show love toward others, it may help them with some of the problems/issues they have.
Thank you for this, Sue. God knew I needed my heart tendered towards one of my little girl's friends.
Just yesterday there was an "episode" in the car line (they are only in 2nd grade by the way...Man! Who knew "drama" started this early?!?) and my child was hysterical when she got in the car. I think this other little girl is a "one friend at a time" type child. When you are her "pick of the day" life is good, but if you're not...well...you're told all about it.
Anyway, she is a lot like the boy you described here, and God has prompted me through your post, to pray for her. So thanks...thanks so much for sharing.
*And if you happen to have any advice on how to shepherd the heart of a 7 year old "Drama Queen", I'll gladly accept it!! ;-)*
Those are wise thoughts and so true!
Oh yes! I think this came for me today. I'm praying for another little boy that is a friend and exhibits these same exact qualities.
Thank you for sharing and reminding me to pray for this child.
Blessings~
Great reminder Sue.
God is SO challenging me lately to see people through HIS eyes...and boy what a difference that makes.
Have a BLESSED day!
I have met people like this. I was probably like this somewhat when I was younger. Insecurity is a horrible thing.
The thing is that when you need another's approval so bad and the only way you can get it is to do something--then you feel you have to keep doing something to get their approval.
Sometimes we learn to behave toward God this way. We think that He won't approve of us unless we are doing something or saying something He would approve of. Sad.
Been there-done that.
Only His love can set someone free of deep rooted insecurities. Then they will blossom.
Great reminder. Sometimes we easily forget where we came from.
Hmmm, Sue I had a brother in law like this. Sadly, my sister divorced him and his hurt is even bigger. Honestly, they both are a mess and hard to hold because of their prickles.
Thanks for reminding me of their pain.
Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted
yes, young people like this just want love and approval, because they haven't received enough of it when they were a wee person. (This is my opinion and I'm not an expert)
We need to be patient with them, and show them that we like them no matter what. You are right in praying for him.
Some kids like this never realize what's repelling people...they have a blind spot in this area...and it drives them down deeper until one day, ...lonely....alone...they give up.
I'm glad you're praying.
Thanks for all the input, just to clarify, this is an 18 year old in case anyone thought I was refering to a little boy!
Blessings,
Sue
Susanne,
The drama has just begun!
The Lord will lead you through every step, I know you are a woman of prayer- you'll do just fine!
:)
How true that we must pause to remember that we don't know what causes someone to have a challenging demeanor. Having served as a foster parent for 5 years, I've had first hand experience with the pysical effects of drug addiction on children who were exposed in utero; attention deficits, oppositional defiant disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. There are also often control issues, a deep sense of loss, denial and more. It's heartbreaking to see children struggle with these issues and ito see how they can negatively impact their relationships with others.
as you appropriately suggested, Sue, prayer NEEDS to be our response. And it's just plain hard to be patient sometimes, but oh how they need us to be.
Great post. I love reading your blog, Sue.
Blessings,
~Toni~
makes you wonder about this 18-year-old boy's life and why he tries so hard to make it work...may we all have compassion not irritation on those kinds of people in all of our lives and even myself when I long for someone to come through for me and find my joy in something other than God...great thoughts from your loving heart for this boy who is missing the grace of his God...
ps - i tagged you on my blog
Toni,
I did a lot of study on RAD and it's effects on children and adults. I feel there are many adults walking around with RAD that have no idea why they act and live they way they do.
BUT- thankfully, our God is bigger than even this very devasting disorder.
Your're so right pray! It's so powerful!
Sue...thanks. I have known one of these children also and 18 yr old. As I talked to this young boy/man I realized that it was a deep sense of feeling rejected and feeling he was different than his friends. He so wanted to be accepted. As he has matured and we continue to pray and talk he has gotten better. But he won't ever be "wholly" healed until he allows his Father in heave to fill all those empty places.
Ewww, scary! how did you know a name popped in my head? Yes, dear I did pray for him. Thank you for he reminder.
Hey Sue, this is so true, the thing about being so insecure so there is this thing of trying to elevate above others.
Like Cahleen, I need patience with these kind of people because my reaction is to keep away from them.
This is a very good lesson in humility and prayer for me. My office assistant is exactly as you describe. Every. single. thing. anyone tells her she has a one-upper story about someone she knows, somthing she did, etc. I just cringe when she starts in and it really makes me avoid telling her anything. It's a daily struggle and your words have given me much to pray about and think about.
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